First, I'm sorry this is so long. Second - please be nice. We have debt, bad habits, and are Catholic. So if any of those things are going to get you spun up, just skip this one.
Section One: Assets and Debt Use this section to explain your current financial picture at large.
Everything here is joint – “M” and I have been married 22 years and we’ve had “smashed money” that whole time (and really for about a year before that).
Retirement Balance (and how you got there): Approximately $500,000 in a variety of IRAs and current 401(k)s.
Equity if you're a homeowner (and how much you put down and how you accumulated that payment). Bought our house in 2001 for $239,000 with 20% down (some aggressive saving and a gift from each of our parents). We refinanced, took some cash out for some home repairs, and reduced it to a 15-year loan in 2009 – our current equity would be about $195,000, but similar homes in the neighborhood are listed at $475,000-$525,000, so if we ever sell, we’re probably coming out ahead.
Savings account balance: $6,000
Checking account balance: $6,500
Credit card debt (and how you accumulated it): I hope you’re sitting down. Approximately $40,000. Yes, you read that right. How we accumulated it? The house is 90 years old and constantly falling apart, so we’ve had to charge things that needed to be done (some we wanted to have done, but some – like the time our oil burner stopped working in December – were needs). We had two dogs with numerous medical issues – I don’t want to calculate what they cost me, but they each had surgeries that were about $5,000 (each), plus other chronic and acute medical issues. And yes…for a while, we were doing and buying things we probably shouldn’t have (not bad things, just vacations, clothes, and non-essential home improvements) So…when I’m 100 and greeting people at Wal-Mart, I’ll at least have some good memories. That said, I can’t tell you the last time I used credit – if we can’t afford to pay cash, we don’t do it (and I say that fully realizing most people would feel that I shouldn’t do anything).
Student loan debt (for what degree): None – my husband went to the military and then to work after high school and I went back to community college later in life and paid as I went.
Anything else that's applicable to you: If my ex-husband dies before me, I’ll have about $6,000 in a money market that he must have forgotten about. When we divorced, he was supposed to liquidate all those accounts and give me half. He was an accountant and a SOB, so I never knew exactly what we had, but what I got seemed accurate (it paid for furniture, my wedding to M and part of this house, so I was OK with it). Lo and behold, a couple years ago, I found out we still have this money market account in both names. I tried to find him so we could liquidate/split it, but he’s missing. I get the statements here now, and the good part is he’s older than me, so I’m holding out hope he predeceases me and it will be mine.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: I've been working in my field for a year and a half, my starting salary was $100,000. I did a salary story with the entire progression – long story short, I’ve made more, and I’ve made less, but this is probably about the average of the last five years.
My husband has been at his job for 14 years – he started there making around $75,000 and now makes $110,000. They usually give him a $10,000 bonus at the end of the year, but are always crying poverty if people ask for a raise. Prior to that, he worked for a company that paid very well and he had a 15-minute commute, but he got out one step ahead of their bankruptcy.
Main Job Monthly Take Home:
Me: $5,152
J: $6,230
Side Gig Monthly Take Home:
M is paid $1,300/month by our parish for serving as Youth Minister.
Any Other Monthly Income: $16.00
I get quarterly dividends on stock I was given when I was born (I may not have been born into money, but apparently my grandparents had friends who thought this was a good baby gift). The last few were around $50, so I divided by 3.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent / Mortgage / HOA fees (please specify how you split it if living with a partner): $3,043, which includes the property taxes and homeowner's insurance
Savings contribution: $500/month without fail (my bank transfers $100 if we get over $500 in, so once each paycheck and once when we put the church check in). More if I feel the savings needs a boost.
Debt payments:

• Credit card #1: $350/month (this is about twice the minimum)
• Credit card #2: $375/month (minimum payment)
• Credit card #3: $200/month (minimum payment - this is the next one getting whacked when #1 is paid off)

Donations: OK – anyone who isn’t screaming because I owe $40K is going to start now.

• $300/month to the church in the “collection basket” (it’s electronic, but same diff)
• $100/month to the church building fund (last year of a five-year pledge, thankfully – if I hadn’t promised to pay it, I wouldn’t)
• $25/month to Habitat for Humanity
• $20/month to Citymeals on Wheels
• ~$50/month to various other charities
• ~$100/month in food for the church food drive (we don’t have a food pantry, but collect food every week and anyone from the neighborhood can come take some. The rest is donated to several food pantries and soup kitchens in the Diocese).
• As far as volunteer hours, M and I both teach Religious Ed. I'm on the Parish Council and co-social media manager of the parish (basically, I schedule Facebook). M also videotapes the 5:00 Mass and the children’s worship message each week and uploads it to the parish YouTube channel.

Electric: $110
Gas (stove/hot water): $50
Oil: $250/month in the winter
Wifi/Cable: $179
Cellphone: $252 for both of us (I get mine expensed except $26 for my phone payment)
Subscriptions:

• $.99/month for iCloud Storage
• $545/month for life insurance for both of us, plus $202 quarterly for the life insurance policies we took out when we bought the house
• $17/month for NY Times online
• $10.86/month for Ring video doorbell
• $12.99/month for Netflix
• $9.99/month for Spotify (I think M gets reimbursed for this, because he has it for Youth Ministry)
• $119/year for Amazon Prime (yes, I know, I am an awful person)

Car payment / insurance: $295/month for my car (leased). My husband is driving a 10-year old car that is paid off. $128/month for auto insurance
Lawn care: $50/month
Commuting: Now that we’re in COVID times, I’ve been buying a 10-trip off peak railroad ticket every five days for $78.75. Pre-COVID, M and I each bought a monthly ticket for $270, and I took the subway most days for an additional $100/month. I fill up the car about once a month (~$36) and M fills his about every other week (~$70/month)
Saturday, September 26, 2020
7:45 am: Up and at ‘em! I get up, get coffee, check emails and social media and start the day.
8:00 am: M leaves the house for a long list of errands, the payment for which will be shown below. I put in a load of laundry and discover…a leak! There is a large pipe between our powder room sink (which I used when I woke up) and the outside world that runs through the basement and is apparently leaking. Yay whee. If you get one thing from this diary, let it be these words of wisdom – don’t buy an old house! No beautiful feature is worth the aggravation! I get the water (I hope it’s water) cleaned up, a load of laundry in, take a shower, do some picking up around the house, get dressed in a Rangers t-shirt and cut off distressed jeans, do my makeup (Olay microsculpting serum and Miracle Blur over the bottom of my face, pink, gray, and violet eyeshadows, a swipe of foundation under my eyes, black eyeliner, black mascara, and dark brown eye pencil. This is standard everyday makeup for me and will be repeated each day. I put volumizing mousse in my hair and blow dry it (also routine).
In the meantime, M gets a haircut ($30 including tip), sets up the video equipment at church, goes to CVS for passport photos that he needs for an application ($18.87), and goes to the religious goods store for a book of the Liturgy of the Hours ($42.31). He is starting formation for the diaconate (the process of becoming a Deacon in the Catholic Church) today, and they said he’ll need that book. He also needs the photos for his application, and he stops at the bank for two money orders – one to send with the background check request and one for his high school transcript ($26). On the way home, he picks up breakfast (brunch?) for us – classic New York BEC, SPK (bacon, egg, and cheese on a roll with salt, pepper and ketchup) for him and egg whites, turkey and swiss cheese on a whole wheat wrap for me ($10.78), as well as cigs for him and vape cartridges for me ($36).
The washing machine isn’t causing any additional leakage, so I move the wash to the dryer and start moving the winter clothes from the portable closet in front of the leaking pipe upstairs (they’re not wet, but we’re going to have to move the closet when the plumber comes).
After eating the egg sandwiches, we get changed for deacon class – I look like a good church lady in black slacks, a black and white flowered shirt with a black tank underneath, and black sandals with a chunky 2.5” heel. M goes with the classic golf shirt and dockers. While we’re getting changed, he mentions he needs new underwear, so I whip out the phone and order him some ($18.64).
6:30 pm: Home from deacon class and Mass and the groceries show up! I ordered them yesterday, but I don’t think the charge went through till today, so here goes. Asparagus, broccoli, celery, bananas, cucumber, lime, grape tomatoes, peaches, carrots, potatoes, spinach, lettuce, zucchini, frozen burgers, ground turkey, chicken breasts, whole chicken, fried chicken and a pot pie for J’s lunches, yogurt, sugar free pumpkin spice creamer (YES! I’ve been looking for it for weeks!), milk, heavy cream, OJ, k-cups, frozen green beans, cauliflower rice, stuffing mix, microwave rice, cake mix (the good ones were on sale), chicken broth, potato chips, and trash bags. Spent $154.95 including delivery, saved $14.50 (very low for me), tipped the delivery guy $10.
7:00 pm: After putting away all that food, what do we do? If you guessed order dinner, you’d be right! I don’t cook on Saturday unless we’re having company. We order from a new taco place – three each and “Mexican wings”. The wings were meh, but the tacos ranged from good to outstanding. $53.78 including tip. After dinner, M starts post-production of the Mass video and I do some laundry, watch the NASCAR race and the hockey game, and play games on my iPad. Remember, you’ll be old someday too!
11:00 pm: I go to the basement to pick up laundry and remember I wanted to order a new garden flag (this isn’t as random as it sounds – all my seasonal decorations are stored in the basement). I have had a cart set up for days with two garden flags ($6.99 each) and four magnetic mailbox covers for my parents for Christmas ($11.99 each) – they’ve talked about having a different one for each season, and I saw them when I was looking for a garden flag. Total with tax and free shipping: $61.94. I love Christmas and generally spend way too much on gifts so I’m trying to start shopping before December and at least spread out the pain. We went to a crafts fair a few weeks ago and I picked up a few things and now I’ve got this done – go me!!
12:30 pm: The hockey game is over (2 OT!) and I go to bed. M is napping waiting for his video production to finish.
Daily Total: $463.27
Sunday, September 27
7:00 am: The alarm goes off – ugh. It’s the first day of Religious Ed (virtual, but I have to do a 9:45 zoom with my 4th graders). Coffee, social media, shower, dress, makeup. Put on a black eyelet dress because we’re going back to church today so M can videotape First Communion. Do the usual makeup/hair thing.
10:30 am: My 4th graders are great and we’re ready to roll (M has on a shirt and tie in honor of the First Communion), and we’re off to Mass. Drop off the food I bought for our food pantry last week and help him video. Of course, the kids are adorable!
12:00 noon: We’re starving after church, so we stop at our favorite local pizza place on the way home. Get a variety of slices for $22.62, including a tip (we’re getting it to go, but I’m tipping everywhere, because I know restaurants have been hurt badly by the pandemic. These folks are in NYC and still haven’t opened inside dining.)
1:30 pm: Ate, ran more laundry, changed into the jeans I wore yesterday and a Yankees t-shirt and call the nail place. Of all my expenses, nails are probably the most non-negotiable – I’ve been getting my nails done for 40 years, and when I couldn’t do so during the lockdown, I was miserable. They can take me right away, which makes me happy.
3:00 pm: All 20 nails done – gel on the fingers and a regular pedicure with callus removal ($75 plus $15 tip = $90). I went with an autumn theme and got copper on the fingers and bronze toes – the nail polish looked in the jar like it would match the toes, but it doesn’t. Stop at CVS for eye cream (Olay for tired eyes) and mascara (L’Oreal Voluminous) - $27 with coupons. M asked me to pick up cigs on the way home, so I do, as well as vape cartridges, which I don’t technically need yet, but it will save a trip later in the week ($36).
3:30 pm: While at the nail place, I saw that one of our favorite local restaurants had a fire, which consumed an entire block of restaurants and small businesses. The Chamber of Commerce is doing a GoFundMe, and I donate $25 to the cause - $28.75 including the charge. I also notice that the weekly charge for my church donation went through ($75).
11:30 pm: Took a quick nap (the highlight of my week every week), put some fall decorations out, had our family Zoom call, laundry, got the end of the winter clothes moved upstairs, had dinner (roast chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and roasted asparagus), made an apple crisp (I’m not a huge dessert person but M is and I like making desserts, so it works), watched baseball, football, the NASCAR race, and basketball, and took a quick shower. Bring a Light & Fit Toasted Coconut Vanilla yogurt (the best!) to bed, finish my book (“Next Stop, Chancey”) and find the next in the series on my iPad – I’ve read them all before, but I’m in the mood for something cozy, especially after reading about the Current Occupant’s taxes – ugh!) , and turn off the lights around midnight.
Daily Total: $279.37
Monday, September 28
6:45 am: I work from home M/W/F and so I can sleep in. Relatively speaking, anyway. Get dressed in a sleeveless top and shorts (despite the fall decorations, fall nails, and roast chicken/apple crisp, it feels rather summery out there), do makeup, have some coffee and scroll through emails/socials, move yet another load of laundry (I’m trying to get it all done before the plumber comes), find the number for the plumber and give it to M to call, get the trash out, and boil some eggs for breakfast this week. I’m sitting in front of the computer by 8:15, which is ok (technically, my hours are 8:30-5:30 – it’s usually more like 8:30-6:00, and on WFH days, starting at 7:30 is not unheard of). M drops off the car at the shop – I think I forgot to mention this, but he mentioned yesterday that when he was driving around Saturday, there was a grinding noise when he backed up. More joy to come, I’m sure.
9:45 am: I hear M on the phone with the garage – apparently, they can get a used part and do the job for $450. Not great, but it’s better than it might have been! He works from home basically every day except when he has to see customers, but thankfully we’re separated enough that we can hear each other but it’s not intrusive.
10:30 am: Between cursing at people on the phone, M calls the plumber and I grab some cheese and more coffee! I’d tell you about my job, but honestly, it’s not worth talking about. Basically, I go to meetings, take notes on meetings, and send follow-ups (I do other things, but that’s most of it). When I get off my 11:00 am meeting, I’ll find out when the plumber is coming. You guys are getting a much more exciting week than I expected!
12:30 pm: What a miserable day – it seems like everyone is annoyed! Take a break to eat a slice of leftover pizza and a Diet Coke (M finishes some rotisserie chicken from last week). He says the plumber may come today to look at the situation but can’t do the work till tomorrow.
6:00 pm: Keep my head down and get some work done in the afternoon and knock off for the day. Run downstairs and make dinner – “tacos” with strips of beef grilled with Korean barbecue sauce, shredded cabbage, cheddar cheese, pineapple salsa, cucumber slices, and lime inside warmed tortillas. Delicious, if I say so myself!
7:30 pm: I get on a Zoom faith sharing meeting and M gets on a Zoom religious ed class.
11:59 pm: Contemplated Sunday’s Gospel with my small group, watched Tampa Bay win the Stanley Cup, took a shower and set clothes out for tomorrow, and off to bed. M picked up the car after Religious Ed.
Daily Total: $450.00
Tuesday, September 29
5:45 am: Ugh. Up and out – I’m wearing a green dress with a black jacket and have black slingbacks in my bag. I have to walk 30 short blocks and five long blocks once I get off the train, so I’m traveling light. I used to take the subway to my office, but since COVID, I try to limit that as much as possible.
7:45 am: Off the railroad and walk uptown. I actually don’t mind the walk, because when I WFH, I walk very little – at the beginning of the lockdown, I had a nice walking routine, but lately the work seems to start the minute I wake up, so walking to work takes care of getting in those STEPS! I forgot my boiled eggs and I’m starving, so I end up buying an egg sandwich. $5.43
12:30 pm: Because I only go to the city twice a week and I have to walk uptown with all my work stuff, I don’t bring lunch often (pre-pandemic, I used to bring breakfast and lunch every day, but I also took the subway). Decide to run to Pret and my boss and co-worker both ask me to pick something up. Of course, no one (including me) has anything but a $20, so they both say they’ll get me next time. I get my favorite chicken parm wrap and a Diet Coke. $32
12:45 pm: I look at my personal email and discover that J’s car registration needs to be renewed. Hop on the DMV website and take care of that. $158.50. I also realize I never took out the sausages for tonight’s dinner and call M to ask him to do so. He mentions the plumber has still not shown up.
5:45 pm: Leave a little early to get to the Fed Ex office and make my train home. I’m a little later than I’d like to be and it’s raining, so I get the subway, which is thankfully empty, reasonably clean, and quick. $2.75
7:15 pm: M picks me up at the train station and mentions that he was so busy working that he didn’t take the sausages out. He asks me what I want to eat and we end up at Wendy’s. Cheeseburger, fries, and (surprise, surprise) a Diet Coke. He gets the same thing, but bigger. $19.75
11:30 pm: Avoid the debate by watching the Yankees pound the Indians. Usual routine (plus ironing a shirt for J, because he has to go to a customer tomorrow) and off to sleep. I’m up to Book 3 in the Chancey series, for those keeping score.
Daily Total: $218.43
Wednesday, September 29
5:30 am: Double ugh. Woke up to use the bathroom and couldn’t get back to sleep, so here we are. Get dressed (long-sleeved Yankees t-shirt, straight leg jeans), do the face, have some coffee, and try to avoid the fact that my boss sent me an email at 11:00 pm last night looking for changes to a document, which I said I would do today. Get the trash out, pick up a little around the house, and get to work by 7:00. OH, and despite the lack of plumber and his lack of general motivation, M moved the plastic closet…in front of the washing machine! Glad I bought him underwear, because I won’t be doing laundry any time soon. Now I’m wondering if he looked at the menu (I am an obsessive meal planner and post it on the fridge weekly) and that’s why he didn’t take the sausages out – he’s avoiding zoodles! He can run but he can’t hide – I have zucchini and I’m going to spiralize it sooner or later!
8:00 am: The document my boss needed is out, the agenda for our 9:00 am meeting is done, the morning emails are sorted (for now), and I got a link to our parish survey up on the Facebook page, so I make an egg and cheese on a tortilla and eat at my desk.
12:50 pm: Wednesday is conference call hell – I have recurring calls every Wednesday at 9:00, 10:30, and 11:30, and the added fun today of a 10:00. There’s also a webinar every Wednesday that I try to tune into. Grab some chips and a Diet Coke and go check it out.
2:15 pm: Still no damn plumber, but I’ll let M worry about that when he’s home tomorrow. My garden flags arrived, so that’s good. Hoping to get out and put the pumpkin one out before it gets dark, but the way today is going, that might not actually happen. However, I realize I never put dinner in the crockpot. Luckily, it only takes 3-4 hours on high, so I take care of that. It’s Tuscan Chicken with sun-dried tomatoes and spinach. By 2:30, I’m back at my desk with another Diet Coke and hard at it. Nightmares of rescheduling meetings, missing documents, etc.
6:45 pm: Still at my desk! OK, I took some time to send an email to the parish webmaster about the survey, update this, and read the R29 money diary of the day. But overall, I’ve been working with no apparent end in sight – I could easily be here all night, but I won’t be because (a) I’m falling asleep at my desk and (b) I have a 7:30 Religious Ed teachers meeting. Hopefully I won’t fall asleep during that. Make a list of things for my boss and I to review tomorrow and finish prepping dinner.
7:15 pm: Dinner was delicious – we had the chicken with rice for M and cauliflower rice for me, sautéed broccoli, and a basic salad (bagged spring mix, cherry tomatoes, cucumber). Now off to Zoom!
11:45 pm: The Yankees game is still on, but I’m showered, my clothes are set out for tomorrow, and I’m fading. Turn off the light and hope for a win.
Daily Total: $0.00 (bet you didn’t see that coming!)
Thursday, October 1
5:45 am: You know it…ugh. Get up, coffee, very quick scroll through the Yankees score/e-mail/social media. Get dressed in a black v-neck sweater, black and gray plaid skirt, and black jacket (not the same one I wore the other day). Am grateful the skirt fits – I gained some weight and am trying to resist buying clothes. Make sure I have the right shoes in my bag – I’m wearing high-heeled gray suede Mary Janes today.
8:15 am: At my desk and ready to go – I remembered to bring 2 hard-boiled eggs today, which I eat with coffee while looking through emails.
12:30 pm: Call after call after call, but I have a half-hour to eat. Run to the fancy buffet place that just re-opened for 2 meatballs, brussels sprouts, broccoli, salad, and the inevitable Diet Coke ($15.75). Manage to eat before my 1:00 pm call – go me!
3:30 pm: Leave to go to a job site and pick something up that has to be shipped to Italy. Something that's almost as tall as me, but thankfully not heavy. Taxi down there because I’m in a hurry and I can get reimbursed ($14.04, including tip), expensed.
4:00 pm: I get a cab to the Fed Ex office – thankfully the first one I see is a minivan, so I fit in just fine ($12.74, including tip), expensed.
5:30 pm: Well, that was harder than it needed to be – the Fed Ex office I went to didn’t have a box that would fit the item, so they suggested another Fed Ex office about 6 blocks away, so I had to walk through midtown Manhattan carrying an object almost as tall as me (it's 5' long and I'm 5'3" tall) while dodging oblivious people. Thankfully, the other office had my box, and they were super-sweet and helpful, but it took them forever to get it done. Bought the box and bubble wrap, which will be expensed (I brought the Fed Ex label, but I don’t remember the account number) ($43.54). Get a nice early train home, though!
6:45 pm: Wow, we’re eating when I’m usually getting the train! Cheeseburgers, tots (tater for J, cauliflower for me), green beans, and vinegar coleslaw with the end of the shredded cabbage. Get the kitchen cleaned and the dishwasher run and settle in to watch the Jets – I’m not holding out much hope, but you never know!
11:30 pm: I’ve showered, set out clothes for me and M (he’s seeing customers tomorrow), I prepped for Youth Group, which I’m leading because he’ll be working, and the Jets are winning, so I decide it’s time to sleep. Up to Book 5 of the Chancey series. I find series usually go downhill after about the third or fourth book, but I’m not sure what I feel like reading, so here we are. OH, at some point M must have gone to the convenience store, because there are vape cartridges on the table ($36).
Daily Total: $122.07; $70.32 expensed
Friday, October 02, 2020
6:00 am: Wake up, grab coffee, find out the Jets lost after all, do the morning e-mail/social media scroll. Leaving early to deal with that work errand has left me with a ton of stuff to do, so I get dressed (long-sleeved v-neck gray t-shirt, white tank because the v-neck is halfway to my belly button, dark wash skinny jeans), put out the trash, peel two hard-boiled eggs, and head to my desk.
12:30 pm: As always, call after call after call. Plus a bit of aggravation when my boss asks me at 10:30 for an agenda for the 11:00 call, which I sent him at about 7:30, and which he returns at 10:59 with the formatting looking like nothing on earth. Yay whee! And a project was mentioned that he forgot to tell me I’d do. So in case I thought I’d have nothing to do (that never happens on Fridays), that’s not happening. Anyway, between calls, I run downstairs for the lunch of champions – a Hot Pocket and a Diet Coke. Just that kind of day.
6:15 pm: Realize I have to run Youth Group at 7 and I haven’t even done my haimakeup. Get that done, heat up some frozen cauliflower rice/broccoli/cheese combination and add some leftover chicken. With a green salad on the side, surprisingly yummy.
8:15 pm: I am not a good youth leader…couldn’t get anyone talking about the subject of the day, which I thought would be a good one. I did make them laugh a few times, so that’s something.
M is going to have some expenses because he went to see customers today, but I don’t know what they are and his company will reimburse him, so I’m just leaving them out.
Daily Total: $0.00
This is the Week That Was:
Food + Drink: $326.06
Fun / Entertainment: $108 (if people can put drugs in as entertainment, I’m putting our nicotine in)
Home + Health: $61.94
Clothes + Beauty: $165.64
Transport: $638.03 (some of it will be expensed)
Other: $234.47
Lastly, reflect on your diary! How do you feel about your spending? Was this a normal week for you? Has this inspired you to make changes or has it given you a “wow I’m doing pretty good” confidence boost? Is there anything you’re actively working on? No need to answer any or all these questions but just use this space to write any thoughts you have!
This was a fairly normal week except for the car breaking and needing to be registered – we're saving some now that we WFH more because M will not bring food from home, but I used to bring breakfast and lunch at least four days a week. I know we should make changes, but I also know we don’t want to – honestly, if you looked at the way I lived 15 years ago, I’ve made a lot of changes already. We’re working on the credit cards – I’ve gotten rid of several already (paid off, not just moved balances around) and we don’t use them at all anymore (I can honestly say I don’t remember the last thing I charged). The bad news is that M’s car is on its last legs, and so I see car payments in our future. Hopefully, he’ll get something used – we have my car when we want to look good going somewhere (mine isn’t super-fancy, it just wasn’t hit by a bus and full of stuff for his job).
OH, and the plumber still hasn’t shown up! But that will be for next week’s expenses.

First of all Weddit thanks for all the input and help and ideas. It was great to have a place of sanity to go while we were planning this day for the last 2.5 years! Our wedding was incredible and while it wasn't the day we had originally wanted, it was perfect. I am so grateful that we were able to have our closest friends and closest family there. As we navigated our options with postponing we realized that it wasn't really an option for us. Due to my husband's job if we didn't have our celebration in October, it wasn't going to happen until at least fall 2022. We'd already been engaged for 2 years and we were both ready to move on. While postponing is the right option for some couples, we realized that there are a million reasons to celebrate so we wanted to do something this year and we can throw a huge party with everyone we love for an anniversary, birthday, big life celebration, or just because we want to.
I know that having a wedding at all right now is a controversial topic. I really don't want to have the conversation with anyone about the precautions we took. Among other things, every single person that attended had to have a negative test within 24 hrs. We did not invite friends/family that would have to travel and the one bridesmaid (bff) that did travel came in with us 3 weeks early so that we could all quarantine and test multiple times. We also had ample mask wearing, sanitizer, distancing of all seating, and everything was outside. Post wedding everyone tested again and everyone was negative. I do not want to engage with anyone on if it was the right thing to do.
THE BASICS
Date: October 10, 2020
Guests: originally planning for 225, ended up with about 50 once we cut the list down. There were a lot of family and friends that weren't invited to our smaller celebration.
Venue: The Historic Thayer Hotel at West Point
Pictures: https://imgur.com/a/DpcLVeX
What went not so right:

• I super sprained my ankle on the way to the venue on Friday. We were picking up lunch in the town next to the hotel and I stepped of a curb wrong. I ended up with 2 grade 3 (the worst!) ankle sprains on the inside and outside of my ankle, with significant bone bruising. This was determined at my MRI the Tuesday after the wedding. Thanks to the hotel for having a wheelchair for the rehearsal, my physical therapist for being the best and facetiming me literally hours before the rehearsal, my aunt for getting multiple boots for me on her way up, and the most amazing friends I was able to walk down the aisle and overall have an amazing night.
• The flowers. They were all kinds of wrong. No one else would know that but me, but instead of a bouquet with lots of flowers the greenery to flower ratio was completely wrong. The colors were wrong (way more white than burgundy) and overall the flowers were just not what I wanted. When we went for the final she didn't have a mock up done and if I were to do this again I would insist there was a mockup so that I'd know I was getting what I wanted. There were also no cake flowers provided. I would not recommend this florist (PM me if you need details)
• the cake. While it tasted fine and none of our guests knew it was also all kinds of wrong. 4 days before the wedding the owner of the bakery called me and tried to completely change our cake. We were meant to have a full buttercream cake with the bottom tier burgundy ombre and flowers on the cake. This was what we got instead There was fondant and it looked like an episode of "nailed it". Our Maitre'd also said that the overall quality of the cake was terrible (this was their preferred vendor and apparently quality has been declining) and I honestly felt like we were scammed between the tasting and presentation and what we ended up with. I would never recommend anyone get a cake from Sweet Grace bakery in NJ.
• Some key family members weren't able to be there. My husband's aunt and uncle, who was supposed to be our second officiant, couldn't be there due to a medical issue (unrelated to COVID) and he was very much missed. A dear friend was also unable to come be a bridesmaid in the wedding due to the pandemic. She moved abroad and was going to come back to the states, see family and quarantine, but given current restrictions, she was nervous about being able to get back to her home so she wasn't able to be there.

What went right:

• literally everything else.
• I walked down the aisle to "Storybook Love" from the princess bride. The ceremony made me cry. My husband's vows were the most romantic and I felt like our ceremony was a perfect blend of us. We are an interfaith couple and we wrote our ceremony with the help of our officiant, my aunt. We used both a reading from the bible and followed many cultural jewish traditions. More than one person told me that they loved how we did a modern secular reading of the seven blessings and we had descriptions of all of the rituals and traditions in our program. If anyone wants a link to the rituals and traditions in a jew-ish wedding i'm happy to pass along.
• Streaming was amazing. We hired someone my mom found (PM for info, he was seriously great) to set up streaming for our ceremony. The stream was high quality, our website worked well, putting the program online and making a virtual guestbook were great touches. It was streamed through youtube live and it was so nice that it auto records so that we could see it right away! I'd recommend kudoboard for anyone that is doing a virtual ceremony. We loved reading all of the notes and I had the board printed to put with our untraditional guestbook
• the food! Omg the food. We had a cocktail hour with individually plated apps, a 5 course dinner, dessert, and a farewell station. Our venue also wrapped up all of the food my husband and I couldn't eat and it was just delicious. Food, photo, and overall vibe were the top things for us and we definitely achieved it.
• photo and video-- i'm obsessed with our photographer, PM me for the details because I didn't ask about posting. Our videographer was also amazing and he actually stuck around for like 20 min after his scheduled end time so he could see us attempt to cut the cake with a sword. I would highly recommend both
• My veil and makeup! My veil was made by the incredible Morgan from Cicada bridal in Seattle and Makeup was perfect. Our makeup artist (PM for details) did a great job of keeping us on a schedule and overall made the morning vibe perfect. She stood up for me when I needed it the day of the wedding as well. Those two things really made me feel like my look came together and my bridesmaids all loved their looks.
• Mismatched bridesmaid dressed. Honestly I'm just obsessed with the burgundy to blush look and i'd do this again in a heartbeat. I am so glad that everyone picked their own dresses. I gave all bridesmaids $100 to get a dress.
• the band! everyone had a great time and they did a really good job reading the room on when it was time to eat vs when some people wanted to dance. They never called everyone to the dance floor and we had an amazing night. Even my aunt who had been beyond a hermit for the last 8 months felt safe during some of the slow songs to dance with my uncle, away from everyone.

BUDGET BREAKDOWN
I am doing my best to break down the budget as detailed as possible. We got married in a HCOL area and our original budget reflects the plan for a more traditional Jewish wedding, where parents were allowed to invite friends. It was important to us that everyone was there with us, our whole proverbial community and we knew there would be a premium paid for that. Once we downsized and added streaming I know there were ways to do it for less, but the quality of the virtual experience was important to us. I don't regret for one second what we spent on things, and we could've easily spent more.
I am putting this budget breakdown in because the two in my budget range that I saw when I was planning made me feel more sane. I really do not appreciate the budget shaming that often happens on this sub. It was hard planning in such a HCOL area where the national averages are not representative, so I do hope this can help anyone who is looking for what things really cost for a wedding of this size in and around NYC
One thing to note is that we got engaged in June 2018 and while we spent a lot of money, a lot of it was spread out over nearly 2.5 years. Day to day, the amount spent on the wedding didn't impact our budget and we did not go into any debt.
My parents contributed a set amount to the wedding and my fiancé's parents covered the rehearsal dinner. I am not including my engagement ring or the honeymoon in this because I have a rough idea of how much my husband spent on my ring, but I've never asked for sure and our honeymoon is not going to happen until the world opens up. We are planning on taking 2 big trips to double celebrate our honeymoon (and because since we're waiting, why not?) to Japan and then to South Africa and Namibia.
totals:
all totals include gratuities
initial budget: 80k
planned budget pre-covid: 100k
Total spent (including things that were not really in the budget) ~50k
Breakdown:
****Ceremony and Reception: ****

• Venue and Catering: $14,005.18 This included the fee for the ceremony ($1500), AV setup (hardwired internet), breakfast/lunch the day of, all wedding food, open bar, matire'd fee, gratuities/taxes, all linens, china, table setup, staff, cake, etc. this also includes the cost for the bride and groom's hotel room for 1 night as it was comped the other night.
• Officiants: $600, we had my aunt officiate and did the legal bits in a count house months earlier so she did this for free but we paid for her hotel room (2 nights) as a thank you so
• Ceremony Streaming: $750. This was a last minute cost and while we both think it was a bit high, the streaming was perfect and paying to not have that stress was incredible. I'd highly recommend the guy who did our streaming as he set everything up well and we got so many compliments on the stream.
• Ceremony/Cocktail Hour Music: $700 this included a flute/violin duet for a prelude and ceremony and then a jazz trio for cocktail hour. They were great.
• Flowers: $3,906.76 . We are in discussions with the florist that we did not get the things we asked for and are looking for a refund in some part of this. Our original estimate pre covid was aver $5,000 for flowers to give some context. we had 7 bridesmaids bouquets, 1 brides bouquet, 7 table centerpieces, chuppah rental and florals, and placecard table flowers.
• Cocktail Hour Decor: ~50. I am so glad I did this myself since our flowers generally sucked and they wanted to charge me $35 per bud vase. I thrifted bud vases and bought some from a bride on reddit, then I got 2 old atlases from half price books, some floral wire, and then tiny black rocks from amazon. Overall this DIY cost me like $50 and it was perfect. Also in this cost are some cool votive candles I bought from amazon.
• Photography: $6,000. incredible would 100% recommend. PM me for the name. This included 10 hrs of shooting, over 800 photos, and an album
• Videography: $2,000 incredible would 100% recommend. PM me for the name. This included a full day of shooting, all raw footage, a ~5 min highlight video and a full ceremony video.
• Sabers for Saber Arch: $100 donation to the West Point Hostess Office
• Photo Booth: $350 total. $250 deposit lost due to covid. Once we moved everything outside we didn't have a good place for the photo booth or to run electricity to it. So we cancelled that and instead spent $100 on a big cutout frame we hung from the ceiling. Originally the photobooth was going to be another $400 so I'm just counting it was coming out ahead.
• Tents and dance floor rental: ~$3,500 this was an additional cost that we took on as a covid precaution and it was perfect. This includes rentals (2 tents with walls that we ended up keeping up), having tent heaters on standby (they weren't needed), and the dance floor. My mom did a great job working with the venue and the rental organization to get a great setup and flow with the tents.
• Party Entertainment: $8,500 this includes 10 musicians and live continuous music for the entire party. Also includes their travel fee and they MC'd our entire reception. They were wonderful!

​
****Appearances ****

• Gown/Alterations: $1400 for the gown, $895 for alterations - I felt incredible and I hope some of the photos I posted help any bride who is size conscious to know that even at my heaviest I felt amazing and your size shouldn't stop you from having an amazing time.
• Bridal Hair and Makeup: Hair $300, Makeup $325, bridesmaids/moms - hair $100-$150 depending on style, $125 for makeup. Both services were optional for bridesmaids and my mom decided the week of the wedding to help subsidize the cost for all bridesmaids who elected to have the services.
• Bridal Accessories: $610 Veil ($500), party earrings ($45), ceremony earrings ($0), and party headpiece ($65). All other jewelry (hat, diamond necklace, diamond bracelet, other rings) were all family pieces
• Bridesmaids Dresses: $600 - $100 per bridesmaid. Note: this wasn't necessary for groomsmen because they were all in uniforms, except my brother and my dad covered his tux
• Groom's outfit: ~80, $70 for a special uniform belt for his saber an then $10 on socks with our cat's face on them
• Wedding Rings: $1850 for both rings, his was from Costco, mine was made from diamonds I got at an estate sale by a local. jeweler. I am obsessed with my ring. there was an additional cost to polish/dip our rings and watches and jewelry but I'm not counting it in this budget because it's regular maintenance.

​
****Gifts and things people kept****

• Stationary: ~ 350 + invitations this includes: save the dates ($175), invites, thank you notes, & invitations to our virtual celebration (honestly I don't know my mom just paid directly to the invitation lady), ceremony programs ($70), menus ($30), place cards ($30),
• Wedding Party Gifts: ~$550 for 6 bridesmaids, 5 groomsmen and 2 jr groomsmen. bridesmaids got a zip up for getting ready, a makeup case and a faux fur shawl in case they were cold. Groomsmen got a yeti bottle opener and a six pack of their favorite beer. Not including the gifts we gave when we asked them to be in the wedding
• Welcome gifts and Bathroom Basket: ~$300, 25 bags we included 2 new mexico soaps, costco snacks and drinks in a canvas bag. the bathroom basket stuff was all free and leftover things we used from my cousin's bat mitzvah
• Favors: $241.51 we had the cutest little globes we filled with gummy bears! The shipping on the gummy bears was dumb but weddings make you do dumb things.
• Flip Flops : $30 for 30 pairs of flip flops. My mom bought the baskets from Marshalls, not sure how much they were but assuming under $20 each. We ended up selling the ones we didn't use.

​
****Misc****

• Wedding insurance: $636.00 this includes the liability insurance required by our venue and full cancellation insurance in case my husband was unexpectedly deployed. We didn't want to take any chances with this and losing deposits/full amounts, even though in the contracts we ensured there were military clauses throughout. This was purchased in 2019 and gave us incredible piece of mind as we opted for full full coverage.
• Misc Decor and things: $500 This includes: photo frames (we did pics of us in the tub as kids on the bathroom doors) and a photo table, placecard holders, ribbons so we could do a socially distanced hora, a Mr. and Mrs sign for our table, alcohol for our suite afterparty, chargers for the tables, kudoboard (unlimited), website domain

​
****Not counted in this budget ****
Dance Lessons: ~$600 This money would've been super well spent if I hadn't hurt myself. we still did dance a bit but it wasn't what we planned. One day we can use those skills. I actually had a great time at the dance lessons and I'd 100% do it again.
Pre Marital Counseling: ~$500 very much money well spent. We did 4 sessions with a counselor online in the weeks before the wedding. We both felt like we got some great tools and it was a fantastic outlet for conversations we needed to have. I liked that it was virtual which made it accessible and I feel like we could go back to that counselor if we ever needed it.
Ketubah: ~400, this was a Hanukkah gift in 2019
Smashing Glasses: ~200 this was a gift from my aunt who officiated the wedding.
Engagement Ring
Honeymoon
Post-Wedding Brunch - My parents paid for this, it was casual
Wedding Shoes: ~$400, I bought these incredible something bleu shoes Navy kitten heels and then glitter keds for the party. I ended up in a boot and a sneaker so womp. But luckily both pairs of these shoes aren't very "bridal" and i'm definitely planning on wearing the glitter keds to the next tech conference I go to. I don't consider these "wedding budget" things because I'll wear them other times as well.
Rehearsal dinner - MIL paid for this
I'm glad I can post this and happy to talk to any other brides/grooms who are in the midst of planning!

This is a long one, so for those only interested in the numbers, scroll down to the table below. The subsequent paragraphs will be the more detailed breakdown of each of those line items on the table. I will also do my best to include the approximate cost based on our original estimate of 85 guests since I know larger weddings will eventually return and it’s good to know what the cost of that might look like.
Our original wedding was supposed to take place in June 2020, but like many other couples here, we had to postpone. Before we dive into the breakdown, here is how we handled the postponement based on our own payment schedule:

• Our venue had a simple payment schedule so we lucked out here. Our initial deposit was $1500. Half of our total was due two months before our original date (in this case April 2020). The final payment with final guest count numbers was due 1 week before our event. Prior to our April deadline, we reached out to the venue asking what our options for postponement were. They allowed us to postpone and carry over our deposit with no additional fees. There were a couple of Saturdays left in 2020 at this point. The venue placed a soft hold on these dates for us while we reached out to our vendors. We reached out to our planner and photographer first as they were our VIP vendors and we did not want to lose them. We chose a date in December that worked for them and then reached out to our remaining vendors with our new date. Fortunately all were available and willing to change dates and transfer deposits without change fees. Crisis averted for now.
• Repeated the same process for our December date lol. Our two month deadline was approaching (October 2020), only this time we started to re-evaluate the situation around September because October would have been the time we needed to send invitations and people were already asking if December was still happening. Nothing in our state guidelines regarding large gatherings changed since our lockdown in March so husband and I were feeling defeated. After reaching out to the venue again, they were more than willing to postpone again to dates in 2021 and even 2022 without additional fees so that wasn’t the issue. The thought of putting our lives on hold for another two years did not sit well with us. We were no longer considering 2021 and would only consider 2022 due to the COVID situation in our area.
• After discussing with our planner and photographer, they suggested a microwedding. They encouraged us to bump our date sooner to avoid the possibility of rain and COVID cases on the rise in November and December during the flu season. California was one of the first states to lockdown so we would not be surprised if we were the first to lock down again. Now if you’ve read this far, you know back in April our original venue only had a couple Saturdays left in 2020. When we reached out again in September, a new Saturday opened up: October 24. That my friends is how we began the quest for planning a microwedding in less than two months.

We went all in with our microwedding. We still wanted to have the wedding of our dreams regardless of our guest count. We also decided that after all we’ve been through, we currently do not want to plan a larger celebration. I realize that our spending may be considered somewhat excessive though we do live in a HCOL. I will try to point out where some of the more extreme expenses are so if you are evaluating your own budget, you can see where you don’t need to spend nearly as much as we did.

Budget Breakdown

Category	Amount (includes all taxes & fees, rounded up to the nearest US dollar)
Ceremony Venue	$2018
Dinner Venue	$3508
Partial Planner	$1500
Photographer	$3150
Videographer	$1050
String Trio	$795
Florals	$1510
Cake	$228
Makeup	$590
Hair	$410
DJ	$675
Gratuities	$710
Stationary	$137
Decor	$298
Marriage License	$61
Bride Wedding Band	$1339
Groom Wedding Band	$132
Parent & Family Gifts	$710
Hotel	$165
Bride Attire	$2666
Groom Attire	$955
Miscellaneous Expenses	$779
Grand Total	$23,386

Below is the more detailed breakdown of each line item. For privacy reasons, we will not be sharing the names of our venues or vendors in this post, but we are more than happy to share this information via DM or chat.

Ceremony Venue - $2018

This was a completely new expense for us. The beauty of a microwedding is what was once impossible suddenly becomes possible. This was our original first choice venue because it is a gorgeous waterfront property, but we never even toured it. After receiving the brochure with the minimum costs...this venue would have blown our entire budget and then some. Sometime in the last few months, California allowed wedding ceremonies to continue provided they are outdoors only. This venue created a minimony package that included the following:

• Complimentary parking
• Up to 25 Chiavari chairs
• Use of ceremony space for 2 hours
• Ceremony sound system
• Complimentary deluxe water view room for the night of ceremony
• Bottle of champagne
• Breakfast for 2 the next morning
• Late check-out

We also asked for some additional items such as a table on the gazebo, umbrellas for our musicians, and an easel for our welcome sign. We also asked for some additional set up time because the 2 hours for the ceremony space included the set up and tear down time. They were able to give us an additional 90 minutes which was great. Normally that might cost extra. The original ceremony fee for this venue on a Saturday was $5000 based on the 2019 brochure we received. We got married at our dream venue at less than half the normal cost. I have zero complaints about this venue. They delivered everything as promised on our agreement with no issues whatsoever.

Dinner Venue - $3508 (Original Cost: Approx 15K)

This was our original ceremony and reception venue. Our initial deposit was $1500 and then we had to pay an additional $1500 to meet the room minimum which in my opinion was very reasonable since this was an all inclusive venue. We even moved to their main outdoor terrace since our original space wasn’t available on the 24th and we are only allowed to use outdoor spaces. This space was even more beautiful than our original space. The remaining amount was the production fees and the gratuity for all the event staff and wait staff. I am forever grateful to the staff I worked with for close to 18 months planning, postponing, and re-planning. They never once gave me a hard time, always answered my emails promptly, and absolutely delivered. I thought they were going to murder me when I asked to reduce my guest list from 85 to 13. They didn’t. This is what was included in our package:

• Premium open bar for 3 hours
• Wine service at dinner
• Complimentary entrees for bride and groom
• 6 Hors D’Oeuvres choices
• Easel for welcome sign
• Tables (welcome table, sweetheart table, guest tables, cake table, vendor table)
• Chiavari chairs
• All linens, china, and silverware
• Mirrored round for center of each table
• Printed menus
• Duet plate (husband and I chose filet mignon and Chilean sea bass for our guests) with sides
• Champagne for toast
• Cake cutting and serving
• Meals for our vendors
• Heaters
• Fire pit and couches for a lounge area

The food was excellent! We were able to pack up all our leftover food and cake for some incredible leftovers the next day. They delivered everything as promised on our agreement with no issues whatsoever.

Partial Planner - $1500 + $150 gratuity

We originally hired our planner as a day of coordinator, but because of COVID she became more of a partial planner and truly went above and beyond. What she charged us for her services was extremely reasonable for our area and we lucked out in hiring her. She was a referral from our photographer and they had done many weddings together. Here is what her package included (taken directly from her website and was also included in our contract):

• Initial meeting
• General meeting
• Final meeting
• Curated list of vendors that fit your style and budget
• Guidance to complete all necessary paperwork
• Unlimited emails and phone calls within business hours
• Wedding rehearsal coordination
• Decor load
• Lead coordinator & assistant to manage ceremony & reception (up to 10 hours)
• Set up all personals and decor according to your approved vision
• Act as vendor point person & ensure they provide their services as contracted
• Keep activities running smoothly and according to timeline
• Direct ceremony processional and recessional
• Line up wedding party and cue for reception grand entrance
• Assist DJ in keeping clients and any necessary parties informed of any scheduled events
• Distribute vendor gratuities on your behalf
• Collect any personal items to be returned to you after the wedding an ensure they are taken to the correct loading area
• Ensure your gifts are secure and collected by the designated person
• Use of emergency kit

On the day of, our planner + an assistant were on site at the ceremony and one of her more senior assistants set up at our dinner site. I cannot express how valuable this expense was. I interviewed a couple of other planners, but this planner stood out in terms of professionalism and attention to details. The biggest thing she did for us was our timeline. She used a tool called Timeline Genius that we could view and edit. Once we finalized our timeline, she distributed it to all of our vendors. Her and all of her staff also followed up with each of our vendors, ensured they received the timeline, and made it clear exactly where they needed to be and at what time. I know certain circumstances are unavoidable and you can’t guarantee a perfect timeline no matter how much planning you do, but we actually kept a perfect schedule. No one ran late and everything went so smoothly. If you are on the fence about this expense, we highly recommend it.

Photographer - $3150 + $100 gratuity (Original Cost: $3748)

Our photographer did not have to do this for us, but she amended our contract since our wedding was much smaller and only needed one shooter. This is what our package included:

• 8 hours wedding coverage
• 450+ hand edited photos
• Online gallery
• Printing rights
• One USB flash drive with all photographs in high resolution
• Complimentary engagement session (we opted to do 1 location and 1 outfit, but she would have allowed us to do 2 locations and 2 outfits; she provided us with 140+ edited photos)
• Sneak peek of engagement session and and wedding day provided 1-3 days after
• Location scouting
• Guidance on how to plan your timeline with your wedding planner (we planned our entire ceremony time around sunset)
• Vendor recommendations

Her work is amazing. We were expecting like 3 sneak peek photos after our wedding. She stayed up all night and sent us over 40 photos around 1am. Overall, we clicked with her from the get go and that is so important when choosing a photographer. We never felt weird or awkward being in front of her camera even though husband and I despise taking photos.

Videographer - $900 + $150 for extended edit + $50 gratuity (Original Cost: $3000)

Because we downsized our wedding, we weren’t sure if we still wanted to have a videographer. We originally had a package with 10 hours of coverage, two cameras, a drone...the works. We were fully prepared to just eat the cost of our deposit on this one because we couldn’t justify spending $3000 on only a couple hours of coverage.
When we reached out to our videographer and told him our new plans, he came through for us much like our other vendors. He did not hold us to our original contract and we amended the contract to do live streaming and a file download of the recording. We had already put down $900 for our deposit and he agreed to do the recording and live streaming without any additional charges. The live stream was AMAZING. Our videographer had a microphone on my husband so our family and friends that joined us virtually were able to hear everything clearly. Plus our videographer came with two cameras plus an additional camera man which was completely unexpected. They captured the ceremony beautifully on the stream from all different angles and we now have a copy to relive the day over and over with
The $150 is for an extended polished edit that we requested that is still being worked on. Our videographer does amazing cinematic quality video so we knew we still wanted to have that after we settled all our other wedding expenses. My husband and I totally did not think we would re-watch our video but we already love the copy we do have. There were moments that happened during our ceremony such as my mom stepping on my veil and a squirrel coming to the gazebo during the moment of silence we had for our departed loved ones. You can only relive those moments through video and that really solidified the fact that we made the right decision with keeping our videographer. If you’re on the fence about this expense, there is a lot you can do here to still have one without blowing your budget. We highly recommend having one for at least the ceremony.

String Trio - $795 + $60 gratuity (Original Cost: $1100)

We almost opted to get a refund on this deposit, but we are so glad we didn’t. We had originally hired them for 30 minutes of pre-ceremony music, 30 minutes of ceremony music, and 1 hour for cocktail hour (2 hours total). When we changed plans, we cut out the cocktail hour. I know this is an expense that not everyone needs to have, but it made our ceremony absolutely beautiful. When we sent out our live stream link, we told everyone to tune in at 4pm which was 30 minutes before the ceremony. During that time our trio played everything from Beauty and the Beast to Coldplay and even Rhianna. Our guests, both present and virtual, loved the trio and we got so many compliments. They also played background music during our unity ceremony which was a nice added touch.

Florals - $1510 + $50 gratuity (Original Cost: $2247)

We went with a local old school florist who did the florals for my cousin's wedding several years ago. She doesn’t have an actual shop and works out of her home which is what makes the cost more reasonable than other florists in our area. The reason the amounts changed is because 1) We changed ceremony venues and 2) We no longer needed 10 centerpieces and some of the other things you have with a larger wedding. My floral order with this florist was hand written to give you an idea how old school she operates. Regardless, she was very easy to work with and had no problem creating a completely brand new order. When we changed ceremony venues, I asked my planner to work directly with her to coordinate what florals were needed for the new space. This was one area I didn’t have a specific vision for or care too much about besides the colors of the flowers. They copied me on all their back and forth emails and delivered florals beyond my imagination. Here is what our order included:

• Bride’s bouquet
• 1 bridesmaid bouquet
• 2 flower girl baskets with fresh petals
• 3 boutonnieres
• 2 pin on corsages
• 2 5’ gazebo side pieces (repurposed for sweetheart table at dinner)
• 4 centerpieces (repurposed for guest tables at dinner)
• 4 white box rentals to display centerpieces at ceremony
• Flowers for welcome sign
• 2 bud vases for welcome table
• Cake flowers
• Delivery to ceremony site, setup, takedown, delivery to dinner site, setup

Cake - $228 (Original Cost: Approx $600)

We had already put down a $100 deposit for our cake so we just modified our cake order. With the reduced guest count, we removed an entire tier from our cake, but still opted to purchase a two tier cake for approximately 30-40 guests so our vendors and wait staff could have some and we could still have some cake left over. My husband LOVES cake so we could not give this expense up. Our top tier was both white cake and chocolate cake with dulce de leche filling. Our bottom tier was a white cake with blueberry Bavarian filling. The cake was absolutely beautiful and delicious.

Makeup - $590 + $100 gratuity

Found a great makeup artist who did bride makeup in another wedding my sister was in. I had a 1 person bridal party, but made sure my family members who wanted makeup done for the day were taken care of. I took care of this expense. My makeup artist even went the extra mile and made touch up kits for everyone even though she normally only does it for the bride. Breakdown as follows:

• Bride makeup - $250
• Makeup for mom, sis, aunt, and cousin - $85 each

Hair - $510 + $100 gratuity

My hair person was my regular stylist who has cut and colored my hair for years. The pricing I have below is probably much more generous than going with someone I did not know. Breakdown is as follows:

• Bride hair - $150 (Chignon updo)
• Sister hair - $100 (half up/half down do with curls)
• Cousin hair - $60 (long hair curls)
• Mom and aunt hair - $50 (short hair curls)

DJ - $675 (Original Cost: $1200)

We ate the deposit here, but fortunately this was the only deposit we forfeited. Here is the breakdown of our original package:

• 4 hours of services
• Equipment: Wireless mic, 2 speakers, 1 subwoofer, 2 turntables, mixer, and MacBook
• Lighting: 1 cake pin spot, 2 dance lights, 20 wireless uplights

Our package really wasn’t bad for the price, but unfortunately we didn’t need any of it any more. We asked our DJ if we could carry over our deposit for different services later on such as a party or vow renewal. He said that we would have to sign a new contract AND pay a new deposit. No thanks. He also would not let us transfer or donate the original deposit to another couple. To be fair, he was not contractually obligated to do anything for us, but he also never wrote us a new contract for our December wedding date so who knows if he would have shown up if we proceeded with that date. My husband and I were of course upset to lose that money, but we were more upset that he had zero empathy at all about what COVID did to disrupt our plans. I completely understand that COVID eviscerated the businesses of many wedding vendors and times are tough all around, but his attitude made it easy for us to just say “thanks bye” instead of finding some way to keep him and give him our business.

Stationary - $137

This expense was for our Save the Dates only. They turned out super cute, but of course the original wedding never happened and we have a ton leftover. Will probably plaster them all over our fridge. I probably wouldn’t have any regrets about this expense if our wedding happened as scheduled, but this is probably the one thing that was a waste of money. When we made our wedding cancellation notice and sent our invitations for our virtual wedding I created all of those using the Canva app. Totally free and amazing. Breakdown is as follows:

• 50 Save the Date Magnets - $109 (purchased from Minted w/30% off discount code)
• Wrap around printer labels - $14
• Postage - $14

Decor - $298

Breakdown:

• Chiffon rental for gazebo & eucalyptus rental for welcome table - $62
• Cake stand - $42 (purchased from Amazon; cheaper than renting from bakery for $50)
• 25 Candle holders & tea lights - $59 (purchased from Amazon)
• Clear acrylic hexagons for place settings - $16 (purchased pack of 25 from Amazon)
• 18”x24” clear acrylic sheet for welcome sign - $15 (purchased from Home Depot)
• Paint and brushes to paint acrylic - $15 (purchased from Michael’s)
• Unity ceremony items - $60 (we did a tree planting so this expense includes a small tree, soil, pot, two watering cans, and two shovels)
• 4 picture frames to display engagement photos at welcome table - $29 (purchased from Marshall’s)

*NOTE: We also had a bunch of those tall glass cylinder vases that you fill with water and place floating candles in, but our planner has these in her wedding decor stockpile so we didn’t have to purchase our own which was a big win. She reuses them for every wedding.

Marriage License - $61

We did the online application through Orange County and picked up at the Honda Center in Anaheim, California.
*NOTE: Marriage certificates are an additional $15 per copy which we have not paid yet. We just mailed our license this past Monday and it takes 5-10 business days after our license is received for them to record our marriage into their records so we can order the certificates. Will likely get two copies as one needs to be mailed to the SSN office for my name change and I want a spare copy just in case.

Bride Wedding Band - $1339 & Groom Wedding Band - $132

My husband and I picked our wedding bands together and included them as part of our wedding expenses. Both were purchased at Jared.

Parent & Family Gifts - $710

Since we only had 13 guests and one of those guests was our cousin who also served as our officiant, we didn’t do favors and instead gifted them with some items they could actually use and enjoy. We definitely splurged here, but it was worth it to say thank you to those family members who helped make this wedding happen for us during a pandemic. We will also be creating photo albums and printing photos for them as part of our gifts once our photos are finished editing.

Hotel - $165

This was for a 1 night stay at the hotel that was right next door to our dinner venue. We did receive a 1 night complimentary stay at our ceremony venue which we could have used, but that would require us to drive back to the venue which we did not want to do. The coordinator from our ceremony venue mailed us a gift certificate for the 1 night complimentary stay and breakfast for two the next morning so we plan to use it on our 1 year anniversary. So excited about this.
The remaining 3 items my husband and I paid out of our own pockets. I know these expenses might still be considered shared expenses with other couples so we wanted to include them in our budget breakdown.

Bride Attire - $2666

• Dress - $1570 (gifted by my aunt; beautiful lace ballgown)
• Fabric garment bag - $28
• Alterations - $505 (I purchased a sample dress and needed to have a ton of alterations done because I’m 4’10” and plus size. Completely worth it despite the high cost.)
• Rhinestone belt for dress - $275 (I realize this is an unnecessary expense and could have just purchased this off Etsy for $30-$50)
• Undergarments - $133 (corset bra, panties, slip shorts)
• Shoes - $39 (purchased from DSW with coupon)
• Veil - $35 (purchased from Etsy)
• Earrings - $29 (purchased from Olive and Piper)
• Hair piece - $39 (purchased from Etsy)

Groom Attire - $955

All items were purchased from Men’s Warehouse
Custom 3 piece suit - $686 (completely custom measured and husband got to select all fabrics and details like the cut and color of the pieces; any additional alterations were included at no charge)

• Dress shirt - $50
• Alterations on dress shirt - $18
• Leather belt - $33
• Dress socks - $33 (pack of 3)
• Shoes - $80
• Tie - $35
• Pocket square - $20

Miscellaneous Expenses - $779

You’re probably wondering what the heck this expense is. These were mainly my own expenses for all the hair and makeup trials I did as well as the attire purchased for our engagement session. I no longer have receipts for what husband spent on his engagement session attire so that amount is not included in this breakdown.

• Dress for engagement session - $60 (purchased from StitchFix)
• Shoes for engagement session - $40 (purchased from Off Broadway Shoe Warehouse)
• Hair extensions + styling for engagement session - $70 + $20 gratuity (extensions were re-used for wedding)
• Makeup for engagement session - $120 (not the same makeup artist who did my wedding makeup; he ended up being a flake and I didn’t book him)
• Makeup trial #1 - $150 + $10 gratuity (this is my actual wedding makeup artist)
• Makeup trial #2 - $75 (we did another mini trial since the airbrush makeup didn’t last on my oily skin and we used this opportunity to also modify anything else I didn’t like about trial #1)
• Pre-ceremony haircut and color - $90 + $20 gratuity
• Mani/pedi for bride & pedi for groom - $105 + $15 gratuity

Final Thoughts

Planning for even a microwedding during COVID was so hard. Although we followed the state health orders, we were fully aware that nothing is ever 100% safe. Before we began planning for this microwedding, we had conversations with each family about their comfort level with attending such an event. Fortunately we were working with four households who are in constant communication on a regular basis. I say this to emphasize that we are all very close and transparent about following best practices during the pandemic such as distancing, mask wearing, and hand washing. Everyone in the four households works from home or is continuing school from home so it was easy for husband and I to cut our guest list there and stand firm since we trusted everyone we had present that day was doing what they needed to do to stay safe and keep each other safe.
Some other precautions we took:

• All events took place outdoors.
• Chairs at ceremony were distanced arranged by household.
• Masks were worn at all times except briefly during ceremony procession and photos. Photos were done by household.
• Husband and I COVID tested negative the week of the ceremony and quarantined after taking our test. We ensured all errands were done prior to the week of the wedding so we wouldn’t have to go out again until wedding day.
• Getting ready was done at home to avoid exposure at a hotel. Hair stylist and makeup artist wore masks and face shields and practiced the sanitization protocol they would use in their salons. We kept all windows and doors open and made sure everyone stayed in separate areas (no foot traffic).
• I had my sister carry around a bag full of sanitizer, wipes, and Lysol so we had it readily available at all times.
• Tables at dinner were distanced and arranged by household.

Lastly, do husband and I have any regrets? None whatsoever. This wedding was beyond anything we could have ever imagined. I can honestly say there is nothing we could have done differently and as crazy as this sounds, we're glad our original plans got cancelled. There were things about the original plan that we weren't happy about and this was our chance to make those right. This day was truly a reflection of the both of us.
I hope some of you find this recap helpful. If there are any questions at all, please do not hesitate to reach out. I am happy to help. Thank you so much to this community for all your support the last 18 months. Could not have done it without you.

A year ago when we were still planning our original wedding, I found the recaps on this sub enormously helpful so I figured I'd pay it forward. I'm sorry in advance for what I think will end up being a very long post!
For background, my husband and I live in the Bay Area but were planning on getting married on 4/4/20 in Philadelphia at one of our favorite breweries. We initially invited 100 people and had 92 confirmed RSVPs (86 adults, 6 children under 10). Back in March, when things started to really turn south in the US, we decided to postpone the wedding and elope in our backyard. We pushed the reception back to 12/12/2020 but we decided a few weeks ago to cancel that as well. We're happily married and just feel ready to move on. Maybe we'll throw a big anniversary party in the future or something. We'll see.
Original Wedding Plan - Budget: $27K
Venue (Brewery in Philadelphia): $15K This would have included the $2K rental fee for the space for 5 hours as well as 4 hour open bar (beer and wine), 4 hors d'oeuvre options (two stationary, two passed), family style dinner, and dessert station (chocolate mousse, root beer floats, stout floats).
Our venue required a 50% deposit which they said was non-refundable if we cancelled within 12 months of the event. We were all set to lose that when we decided to cancel a few weeks ago but they were AMAZING and gave us back our entire deposit.
Photographer: $2600 This included two shooters, with eight hours of photography on the day-of. It also included an engagement session, which we didn't end up doing because we live on the other side of the county. Our deposit was $500, which was non-refundable, so we ate that cost when we cancelled.
DJ: $845 This would've included the ceremony and 4.5 hour reception. Our DJ was really amazing to work with. Our deposit was $200 and we ate that cost when we cancelled. They said they will refund it if they are able to rebook another event on that day but I'm not holding my breath. The company was really responsive and easy to work with and our DJ was really nice so we're fine if they end up keeping the deposit.
Flowers: $550 I had decided to do all of the flowers myself so had ordered a bunch of flowers and greenery through FlowerMoxie. I had ordered what I thought would be enough for a bridal bouquet, 4 bridesmaid bouquets, 5 boutonnieres, and extra flowers/greenery to decorate the tables. We were able to cancel our order in time to get a full refund.
Decorations: $500ish I think we wound up spending about $500 on a bunch of miscellaneous things like frames for pictures to put on the welcome table, polaroid cameras and film, personalized coloring books for the kids, card box, growlers for centerpieces, etc.
Attire Wedding Dress: $1600 plus $120 in alterations (I was very lucky and only needed to shorten the straps and add a bustle). I wore my mom's veil. Wedding Shoes: $150 - I wound up getting two pairs of shoes. I bought these gorgeous heels from BHLDN that were on sale for $90. Honestly, I'm obsessed with them and so sad I didn't get to wear them. I actually bought them before I bought my dress and they still matched perfectly. I ended up wearing bridal Keds (not the sparkly ones - floral embroiderd) which I splurged on semi-last minute ($50). I also bought shoe charms from Etsy for $10. My dad passed away 10 years ago so I bought these to have him still walk me down the aisle. Groom's Suit & Accessories: $900. This included his suit, vest, shoes, belt, and cuff links. He'd never owned a real suit before so this was a splurge. Hair & Makeup: $1400ish. I was planning on paying for hair and makeup for myself, my four bridesmaids, my MIL, and my mom. My deposit was $140 plus $100 to reserve a trial appointment. None of that was refunded.
Stationery: $400. We bought everything through Minted. This included 65 save the date postcards, 65 invitations, their premium wedding website, and then 65 change the date cards (which they gave us a 50% discount on). Postage for all of this was $87.
Rehearsal Dinner: $1500. This was our budget but it's hard to know what it would've turned out to be. We were going to go to a low-key restaurant and just pick up the tab for the group (about 25 people).
Gifts for Wedding Party: $600? - We spent about $400 on the groomsmen. My husband had gotten each of them a nice bottle of whiskey and a whiskey glass. We also bought the ties and suspenders that they would have worn. I had spent about $200 on some things from Lush for my bridesmaids.
AirBnb: $800 for about 1 week. We were refunded all of this.
I didn't include the airfare for the couple of trips we made back East for booking the venue and our tasting, or the trip we had booked for the wedding itself. That probably would've added up to another $2K.
Backyard COVID Wedding - First, a few pictures! We got married on our original date in our backyard. Our best friend officiated, which was always the plan and my MOH witnessed it. Our parents, siblings, and wedding party watched by Zoom. My MOH acted as our photographer (and took a whopping 1700 pictures over the course of an hour), our florist (thanks to $15 worth of flowers from the grocery store), and also made our cake - seriously, she's a superhero.
I wore my dress and my husband wore his suit. We bought clear umbrellas from Amazon two days beforehand (good thing too, because it rained the entire time). These cost $40 for 3, I think.
We ordered in from our favorite Indian restaurant for dinner for just the two of us, which was $70.
Our marriage license cost $81.
Overall, between our elopement and the deposits we had paid that are not refundable, we spent about $5500.
In hindsight, I had the best wedding day. It was so low-key and low-stress on the actual day (TONS of stress in the weeks leading up to it, thanks to COVID but oh well). I actually still can't believe how beautiful the day turned out to be. I'm really glad we went ahead and got married on our day. And that we still got dressed up in our wedding attire, rain and lack of guests be damned. I think I'll always be a little disappointed that we didn't get to have the party we had planned because it would've been a really fun party. But we wound up spending all of our wedding fund on my student loans and were able to pay them off entirely, which is a pretty sweet wedding gift to ourselves.
I'm sorry for how long this turned out to be! I hope it's helpful to at least a few people!

The following description is not provided by this sub or any of it's contributors.
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First off photos these were taken by my dad or me. We won’t get professional photos back for several weeks.
This was the most stressful, sometimes terrible, and wonderful weekend. I’m married to my favorite person, and all of our parents got to be there.
What went right: Our venue the Studio Inn at St. Albans was beautiful and, for good or for bad, located in Franklin County, Missouri. Franklin County is just outside St. Louis County, but unlike St. Louis County, there are literally no restrictions in Franklin County, no mask mandate, no guest limits, nothing. We could have legally had a 185 person wedding at our venue, but we instead planned on a 12 guest event, which ended up being a 6 guest event (plus us) (I’ll explain more below). The Inn was designed by the same architect at St. Louis Union Station and just feels grand and historic. The only negative about the house is that the wifi is terrible and basically non-existent in the outdoor spaces, which meant that live-streaming’s he wedding wasn’t possible.
We held our ceremony outdoors in a beautiful pavilion with hanging chandeliers and a huge stone fireplace. The venue had several ceremony options, but this was best for us because it had a roof and fireplace.
We all stayed at the house from Friday through Monday with our parents and my husband’s aunt and uncle. Everyone got along fabulously. We had plenty of space to sleep and spread out. The venue had so many beautiful views for photos indoors and outdoors.
The Ceremony: One of my dear friend’s husband is a Methodist minister, and he officiated our ceremony. We combined a traditional Methodist ceremony with some Jewish elements to celebrate my Jewish heritage (my dad is Jewish), including Rabbi Bolton’s version of the Seven Blessings and signing a beautiful Ketubah, which we will frame and display in our home. There were several bloopers from my dad cracking inappropriate jokes to my husband’s dad’s phone going off during the first reading to the wrong music getting played during our unity ceremony and the recessional. The words, “we’ll fix it in post!” were uttered several times. Everyone wore masks during our outdoor ceremony, except for us, and we maintained 6’ distance from all guests and our officiant during the ceremony.
Food: On Friday night, we ordered BBQ from a restaurant in Chesterfield, MO, The Smokehouse at Annie Gunns (about 30 minutes away) and we snacked in the sides all weekend. My father-in-law made egg strata that we ate every breakfast, we catered dinner on Saturday (more below), and we brought sandwich fixings for lunch. We also went to CostCo and picked up a bunch of wine for the weekend.
We catered our reception with Hollyberry Catering, a catering company based near our home. The food was excellent. I was recently diagnosed with alpha-gal syndrome (allergy to a mammalian sugar so no beef, pork, milk, or butter for me). They were able to accommodate my allergy, preparing me special rolls, special entrees, and special appetizers. We had passed hors d'oeuvre of chicken satay, veggie potstickers, and mac and cheese bites. Dinner was a dual entree of beef tenderloin and salmon for everyone but me (I just had salmon). The food was delicious and the service was impeccable. They boxed up the extra meals (5 last minute cancellations) and our officiant came back and picked up the extras for his family.
The cake was from The Sweet Divine. It was gorgeous and delicious. They were able to accommodate my allergy (no dairy in the cake), while also making it so beautiful and special. Our filing was lavender flavored, which was unusual and just felt so special. They delivered all the way out to our venue, despite it being roughly an hour drive from their cake shop.
The Virtual Event: Since we were limiting our live guest list due to COVID-19, we decided to hold a virtual wedding for all of our friends and family who we didn’t include in person. Due to the lack of wifi in the pavillion, we decided to host our virtual event the following day on 11/15/20 at 4 pm. This turned out to be the best decision we could possibly have made. It took away so much stress on our wedding day, allowed for time to get the video to our videographer (one of the things that went wrong was that our videographer had to quarantine for COVID) so he could edit the video, and we didn’t have to stress about how long it would take to upload.
We recorded the ceremony on our videographer’s camcorder. For audio, we use these microphones based on a Reddit recommendation. They worked great. Make sure you get the duo version to have a mic for the couple and a mic for the officiant. You will need traditional headphones that plug in to test the microphones. We did a sound test about an hour before the ceremony and left the microphones on after that. No problems with them disconnecting despite my husband being out of range in the house for part of that time. The sound on our video was crystal clear and perfectly understandable (even picking up the oohs and ahhs from the guests).
Because we had four different potential videographers have to cancel and quarantine due to COVID, I set up the tripod with the camera about an hour before the ceremony and showed my dad how to start the video. Since no one was manning the video during the ceremony, I set it up so that all parts of the ceremony would be on screen for the entire event.
After the ceremony, our officiant (friend) drove the camcorder to our videographer’s house for him to edit the video. Our videographer uploaded the video to YouTube for us to watch and give any feedback. It was perfect on his first edit so no additional editing was needed.
My best friend works at a university and has Zoom Pro and can host up to 300 participants. She set up the zoom for us a few weeks in advance and we embedded the Zoom link on our wedding website events page. We customized our wedding website url (Minted) so that it was memorable for both us and our guests and password protected our wedding website but not the Zoom. We removed the password about an hour before the Zoom.
I highly recommend having one of your friends run the Zoom for you. We practiced running the Zoom 2 or 3 times in advance so we could make sure that sound would work correctly.
She set up the Zoom so she could record the event, so there were no entry and exit noises, all participants were muted, and their cameras were on when joining. She did not password protect the Zoom or require the host to admit people from a waiting room. Basically, we made it as easy for people to join the Zoom without a problem as possible. Some guests still had problems with their cameras but for the most part this worked perfectly.
We joined the Zoom about 15 minutes before the start time, said hi to a few people that were already on the Zoom, and then my friend muted everyone. She also made me a co-host, and I then shared my screen and played music from Spotify while showing a picture of us, while we waited for other guests to arrive.
Upon our guests arrival, we greeted them and thanked everyone for coming, making ourselves the “Spotlight Speaker” on Zoom. We then played the YouTube video making sure to select the option to play computer audio. As a backup, my friend also had the YouTube link if something went wrong. Following the ceremony video, we had my brother and four friends give toasts, and I unmuted each one and made them each the Spotlight Speaker in turn. This worked perfectly and was many people’s favorite part. It made the wedding feel more real and interactive. At the end, we unmuted everyone for a big cheer.
My friend downloaded the recording of the virtual event for us, including the guest list and chat history. So glad to have that memorialized.
In addition to the Zoom, we also created a virtual guestbook using kudoboard.com. I also highly recommend this. I have loved watching the pictures and well wishes roll into the guestbook. We posted the link to the Kudoboard on our wedding website in two different places and directed people to it during the Zoom.
Florals and Decor: My sister-in-law is a florist, and she did all our flowers. Our colors were peach and maroon with hints of lavender from thistle. The florals were gorgeous and so very unique and special.
For the table setting, since our event was so small, we used my own china, crystal, and antique monogrammed silverware that I inherited from my grandmother. It really made the day so special. We also purchased wood cut place cards from Etsy.
Our paper products (invitations, wedding program, menu) were self designed using Canva Pro ($12.99/month), and we printed using Canva’s printing service.
Attire: I got my dress on super sale from BHLDN for $350. It’s the Willowby by Watters Harmony gown. I’m a plus-sized bride, and I felt absolutely gorgeous in her. I also bought a faux fur wrap from SissilyDesigns. My jewelry was all heirlooms, except my earrings, which were a wedding gift from my husband. My shoes were Jewel by Badgley Mischka.
My husband wore a suit and tie purchased from Jos. A. Banks.
The bad: COVID sucks! Four different potential videographers notified us that they had been exposed and had to quarantine within a week of the wedding. My brother came down with a fever and flu-like symptoms the Thursday before the wedding (tested negative for COVID) so we decided that the safest course was for his family to stay in Chicago and participate in the virtual event instead of coming in person. This meant that my dad had to drive to Lincoln, Illinois to meet my sister-in-law to get the florals from her on Friday afternoon. She made all the floral arrangements in less than 5 hours and then drove down to Lincoln from the Chicagoland area with her parents to bring the flowers to my dad. They were all rockstars for me.
Addiction Sucks! My now brother-in-law is an active heroin addict, and we had to make the difficult call not to invite him to the wedding. This was particularly hard for my mother-in-law, which was why we made the decision to include her sister in person for the wedding, when we normally would not have due to COVID. My husband’s relationship with his brother is strained and that’s hard on everyone.
Rain Sucks! It rained all day on our wedding day. This caused my naturally curly hair to be frizzy even before the ceremony started. We got lots of cute pictures with the clear umbrellas I had purchased when I saw the weather forecast, but we had to give up on pictures in the vineyard as my husband has CP and there was no way we were gonna make it without being completely covered in mud since he needed my shoulder to steady himself while walking and that meant stepping on my dress. My shoes were ruined, and my dress was so wet for the rest of the night.
Massive Head Injuries Suck! On Friday night, my 74 year-old mother fell over and hit her head on the dresser in her room. I came upstairs to find her in a giant pool of blood. She insisted at first that she was fine, but when I got a look at her head and saw the massive 4 inch long, 1 inch wide gash, I immediately called 911. She and my dad were at the hospital until 3 am, and she got 22 staples and a head CT. Thankfully, she is mostly alright, if in pain, and she was able to attend the wedding. The night before the wedding, I couldn’t sleep until I heard her and my dad arrive back at the house at around 3:45 am.
Back Injuries Suck! Our officiant’s wife, my friend, was supposed to play live music during the ceremony. She practiced for several weeks, and we were both so excited. She threw out her back the week before the wedding, and on the wedding day, could not stand. As a result, we made a Spotify playlist to use for the wedding and asked our officiate to play the songs for each thing. Unfortunately, he messed up a little playing the processional during our unity ceremony and again for the recessional before figuring it out and getting the right recessional. I was more sad that my friend couldn’t be there for the live music than at all upset about the wrong music being played. The wrong music is just something to laugh about.
So yeah-long post but I hope it helps someone. Will post my professional photos when they come back.

Hi Weddit!
I did the thing and got married last week! It was amazing, even with COVID going on. Sadly, no official pictures yet. (I do have some photos of setup and flowers if anyone would like those.) This subreddit was helpful to me while planning, especially the budget recaps, so I wanted to return the favor and help someone else out!
I got engaged in summer 2019, pre-COVID, and started planning then. So, this breakdown will go through what I had planned pre-COVID for a 140 person wedding, and also my cut down COVID wedding. Both in Connecticut--the original wedding was planned at a venue, and the smaller one was at an AirBNB. For anyone looking into an AirBNB wedding, maybe this will help!
Pre-COVID, 140 person wedding breakdown:
Here, I cover the costs of vendors that were booked, with deposits down, and any other significant anticipated spend for the big wedding. Costs that remained the same over both weddings are shown with the small wedding breakdown, later! Apologies if this ends up confusing!
Venue: $4500
The venue was a park on the beach in New Haven with a lighthouse and carousel. The plan was to have the wedding on the beach, and the reception in the carousel building. The venue did provide chairs and table for indoors, but I had to arrange for outdoor rentals and linens.
Catering: $5500
Our catering was BBQ, and it was amazing! (We did keep the same caterer for the smaller wedding). The cost included apps for cocktail hour and the reception dinner. It also covered staff to help set up, serve, and clean up.
Cake: $330
The cake was a 2-tier cake to feed about 20 people, with sheet cakes on the side for the remaining guests.
Photography: $1380
The photographer was booked for 6 hours, and had some prints/art as part of the package. She showed me some examples of previous beach weddings, and they were stunning! More on photog later.
DJ: $850
The DJ and MC were lovely and were working with me to plan special songs/dances and keep the night flowing.
JP: $300
Loved our JP! We did use her for small wedding, more later.
Day of Coordinator: $850
Our DoC was lovely! We had planned to have her for the night of our reception, and she would help with setup and cleanup of everything. She helped me when I had planning questions and checked in periodically to ask what I was working on and what she could help with. Sadly, we did not get to see her in action on the day of.
Bartending: $900
The bartending fee covered the bartenders, non-alcoholic drinks, garnishes, helping to mix signature cocktails, and bar supplies. They were awesome with planning and I am sad I didn’t get to see them in action.
Liquor: $1000
This was an estimate based on 140 people, as my husband (ahh!) and I were going to be responsible for liquor ourselves. Our actual purchase is outlined in the small wedding!
Rentals, dishes, linens: $1200
This cost was for renting outdoor ceremony chairs (venue provided indoor chairs only), cocktail tables for cocktail hour, tablecloths, napkins, dishes, silverware, glassware. I used a couple different vendors in the area to book these, as some had better prices on items, such as tables, than others. Linens I planned to purchase myself from LinenTablecloth.com (and I did for the small wedding!)
Total estimated cost: $19,643
This includes all the décor, flowers, misc. items not talked about above!
Post-COVID, 12-person wedding breakdown:
Due to COVID, our venue ended up cancelling all 2020 events. CT also set requirements on guests at 25 people inside, 100 outside. Since our reception was planned to be indoors, I knew we would have to cut down in size. In the end, we decided on 12 guests (14 with JP and Photographer). The guest list included me, my husband, our immediate families, and 1 close friend each. In the end, I am sad that we ended up having to cancel some vendors that we truly loved, but it was a much more intimate and personal experience for everyone.
To the budget!
Venue: $4200
Almost the same cost as for the bigger wedding, but this time was an AirBNB. I booked a beautiful, old mansion for 3 nights. We used it for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and a post-wedding brunch! It was roomy enough to have all guests stay overnight and had a pool table, tennis, ping pong, and a lovely yard. It ended up being a perfect spot for an intimate wedding.
Catering: $745
We kept the same BBQ caterer and same menu, but this time cut down to feed about 20 people instead of 140. We loved them and the food was amazing!
Cake: $115
We kept the same baker, as my husband loved her more than anyone else we looked at. We kept our 2 tiered cake, and just removed the extra sheet cakes from the order. Part of me wishes I had kept the order for the sheet cakes though…cake for days!!!
Photography: $950
We kept our same photographer, but went from 6 hours down to 4 hours. She was incredible! She came up with some creative and fun shots for us to do, and I am looking forward to getting my pictures back. I’m not that comfy in posed pictures, but she made us feel confident.
JP: $300
Kept our JP. She was kind and flexible with the location change. She also worked with us to customize the ceremony to be exactly what we wanted. My husband is not a gushy romantic, so we were able to customize the ceremony to be personal without sounding too cheesy or like a fairy tale.
Videographer: $50
This was my dad! Since not everyone in our families could be present, we live streamed our wedding over Zoom. I bought a tablet holder, microphone, and super long USB cable off Amazon and we used it to set up Zoom on my dad’s tablet. (We already had a tripod at home.) He set up the call to start recording once he logged in, so we automatically had a video of our ceremony. The relatives had a blast chatting with each other pre- and post-ceremony. My dad also walked the tripod around during the portrait session so the relatives could feel like they were with us, mingling.
Liquor: $120
We stopped at a liquor store and bought some of our favorite wines, beer, and ciders.
Linens, dishes: $80
I bought tablecloths and napkins off LinenTablecloth.com, and a disposable party dinnerware set off of Amazon. The set included dinner plates, dessert plates, silverware, and cups for I think around 50 people. They were surprisingly good quality, and I don’t think anyone minded that they were disposable.
Dress and alterations: $300
I chose a beautiful dress off Azazie and had it tailored at a local seamstress. It fit me fantastically! I didn’t want to spend more than $500 on the dress, so Azazie was a good fit for me. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality and customer service.
Hairpieces: $25
Bought a sparkly wedding headband and hair clip off Amazon. Loved them.
Flowers: $70
I bought 50 roses off of Costco and stopped at the grocery store to pick up extra flowers I thought would look nice. Greenery I cut out of my yard off some bushes that were overgrown. Then I made the bouquets for me and 3 bridesmaids the morning before the wedding. I was so pleased how they turned out, and not to toot my own horn, I got some compliments from the family and vendors! 😊 Spare flowers and greenery were used to decorate the arch, which I did with my sisters-in-law the morning of the wedding.
Stationery: $70
I purchased save the dates off of Vistaprint in postcard format for my husband's side, since we didn’t have all his family’s emails. I did my save the dates using Paperless Post, since I did have most everyone’s email. When we cancelled our big wedding, we ordered cancellation postcards from Vistaprint, and Paperless Post let me notify everyone for free!
Misc.: ~$100?
My fiancé is very handy and built us an arch out of metal piping. Other misc décor included dollar tree vases, cake stand from Marshalls, robes for bridesmaids.
No DJ, rentals, day of coordinator, or bartenders for this wedding. The DJ was me making a Spotify playlist, and one of my sisters in law monitoring a Bluetooth speaker. Bartending was done just by setting glasses on the table, and beewine out on the counters. My husband did make a whiskey blackberry cocktail and we served it in my parent’s crystal punch bowl. The day of coordinator was mostly me with my endless spreadsheets, and my lovely family (both immediate and new in laws!), who all volunteered to complete tasks on my task sheet. I am happy to share spreadsheets or playlists if they would help anyone.
Total: $6500
Maybe that was a little costly than your normal small wedding/elopement, but we did cover lodging for our guests and had the venue for 3 nights. Overall, it was an incredible experience. If anyone has specific questions about vendors or the day please feel free to ask me!

^{We already got our sneak peak from our 9.5.20 wedding (what you’re all really here for and I thought I'd share a budget breakdown (including our original estimates from our wedding! We were engaged in September 2019 and had a 12 month engagement. Our original plan was to invite 200 people and had already sent our save the dates when COVID-19 blew up. When we sent our formal invitations out we cut it down to 75 people (our immediate family, wedding party and their SOs, grandparents and aunts and uncles knowing that there were quite a few that wouldn’t be able to attend as we wanted to keep it closer to 50 for safety reasons. We sent everyone else a virtual invite to watch via Facebook.})))
^{I used The Knot for keeping track of our guest list and gifts and created a budget spreadsheet for tracking all our wedding costs and making checklists for things to be completed as we got closer to our big day.}
**Numbers:*\*
^{Invited: 75
RSVP’d Yes: 45
RSVP’d No: 30
RSVP'd yes but did not attend: 1
Our original plan was to invite 200 people and had already sent our save the dates when COVID-19 blew up. When we sent our formal invitations out we cut it down to 75 people (our immediate family, wedding party and their SOs, grandparents and aunts and uncles knowing that there were quite a few that wouldn’t be able to attend as we wanted to keep it closer to 50 for safety reasons. We sent everyone else a virtual invite to watch via Facebook.})
**Budget:*\*
^{Original: $21,295
Actual: $16,350
I figured after we had to gut our in person invites we would save a lot of money – but in reality there were a lot of set costs regardless of how many people were there (venue, photographer, etc. We did still come in a little under 5k under budget which I was happy with because I never thought I would be one of those people to spend this much on a wedding. Prior to getting engaged I always said I could do it for under 10k but after finding the venue, photographer we wanted (pictures were very important to both of us I knew that wasn’t going to happen unless I wanted to change my expectations. I did splurge on little things closer to the end – but that was after I knew we were coming in under budget.}))

• ^{Combined, both sets of parents generously offered us $9,000. Totally unexpected but helped take the stress off!}
• ^{My husband and I contributed $4,945}

^{Our priorities going into the planning process were as follows:}

• ^{Venue with both indoor and outdoor options, beautiful photography, great food.}

Bridal Attire, total: $1,212 (estimate: $1,625)
Wedding Dress: $920.00 (estimate: $1,000)

• ^{David’s Bridal Galina Signature SWG820.}
• ^{David’s Bridal ordered me the wrong dress and they didn’t charge me the difference when it came in (saved an extra $100. My dress was on sale (originally $1399. I had no idea that I would ever spend this much money on a dress. I initially budgeted $500 but my husband convinced me to bump it up. In the end it was totally beautiful and I didn’t want to take it off. My favorite part about it was the cleavage. I normally dress pretty conservatively and really wanted to wow my husband at the first look haha.}))

Alterations - $162 (estimate: $500)

• ^{It was already the perfect height for me so I just had bigger cups put in and had the shoulders taken in due to my short torso.}

Jewelry, Shapewear, Shoes, etc - $130(estimate: $125)

• ^{I got some rocking navy blue Kate Spade Keds and have zero regrets. I trip in heels and was going to have to walk out on the grass.}

Groom’s Attire, total: $660.00 (estimate: $500)
Suit- $400 (estimate: $300)

• ^{Custom suit from Men’s Wearhouse.}

Accessories - $125 (estimate $100)

• ^{Had to buy a tie and new shoes.}

Dress Shirt - $135 (estimate $0)

• ^{My husband waited until 3 days before the wedding to buy a new shirt and paid $135 at a high end store \}face palm*)

Stationary, total: $815.64 (estimate: $450)
Save The Dates – $60(estimate: $100)

• ^{Ordered using business postcards off of Vistaprint}

Invites – $260(estimate: $150)

• ^{Had to order twice off Vistaprint due to changes to number of people we were inviting to attend in person. Thanks COVID-19.}

Stamps - $152 (estimate: $200)
Venue, total: $4,350 (estimate: $5,000)
^{The Hitching Post(Detroit Lakes, MN} – $4,000 (estimate $5,000))
^{I did a ton of research getting quotes before we even went to look at a venue because I didn’t want to fall in love with a place that was going to cost an arm and a leg. My friend is a wedding videographer and actually suggested I check into this place as he had never heard of it before he shot a wedding there. It’s hidden away on some back roads in lake country – and is a two story barn able to hold up to $350. There were quite a few features I loved about this place:}

1. ^{Wedding could be inside or outside (no need to worry about weather})
2. ^{It was all DIY but had pretty much anything you needed at no extra cost. Tables and chairs of all sizes, tablecloths, table décor, arches, chandeliers, signs, vases, lights – you name it. You could set it up however you wanted! I even left some of the décor I bought myself so the next lucky couple could use what they wanted.}
3. ^{Sound system included. Had we not gutted our in person invites we would have still had a DJ – but this was a great option as we didn’t have to buy any sound equipment to do our own music/MC.}
4. ^{Cabins on site – Cabins were available for an additional charge so the entire bridal party could stay on site for the entire weekend!}

Event Insurance - $350(estimate: $0)
Food & Bar, total: $2,553 (estimate: $4,490)
Catering - $1,060 (estimate: $2,600)

• ^{We used Spitfire Bar and Grill and ordered appetizers and buffet styled meals. We were going to go with plated due to COVID-19 but week of they advised us they didn’t have enough people working to actually hand plates out to tables and they would be required to go up and be served by a server just like a buffet. In the end we had small enough groups that I wasn’t worried while saving a ton of money.}
  • ^{Plated Apps - (1 cheese and crackers BBQ meatballs})
  • ^{Dinner- (1 Mixed green salad, “spitfire” beans, pasta salad, buns and three types of meat – (1 Pulled Pork, (2} rotisserie chicken, and (3) brisket)))
  • ^{Non-alcoholic Drinks – (1 pop, (2 water (3} coffee)))

Plates, Napkins, Cutlery - $202 (estimate $100)
Chips and Water from Costco - $45 (estimate $80)
Dessert - $200 (estimate: $190)

• ^{Cakes by Althea (Moorhead, MN made both our}) ^{two tiered cake and 75 cupcakes. Originally was planning on getting sheet cake from Costco (YUM for our guests but made changes due to COVID-19. We had three different flavors of cupcakes and they were to die for. We didn’t have any left which means most people had two haha!})

Bar – $450 (estimate: $1,000)

• ^{Bleachers (Detroit Lakes, MN We bought a keg of beer for our guests to enjoy and the rest was a cash bar (originally were planning on buying three when we had a larger guest list}. This also includes the non-beer drinks we bought for fun (hello shots).)

Flowers, total: $787 (estimate: $900)
Floral Package - $545 (estimate: $545)

• ^{Stems of Joy Floral (Hawley, MN I found a local florist to do mine and my two bridesmaids bouquets as well as the corsages and boutineers for the important people})

Bulk Flowers from Costco - $257 (estimate: $200)

• ^{I was skeptical about getting bulk flowers from Costco but holy crap they were AMAZING! I wanted simple flowers at all of our guest tables as the decorations. I ordered 200 stems of baby’s breath, 100 stems of assorted greenery, and 50 white roses.}

Officiant, total: $0 (estimate: $0)

• ^{One of our good friends officiated for us – it made the day extra special.}

Photography, total: $3,200 (estimate: $3,000)

• ^{Kensie Wallner Photography 12pm – 8pm. Kensie is a a friend of multiple friends and I’ve seen her work over the last couple of years and fell in love with her work. She was the perfect style for us (more candid/outdoor photos and honestly told my husband that I didn’t care how much she cost – we were going to have her! Photography was more important to us than videography and neither of us wanted to cheap out on it so we just went for it! Her price also included an engagement session that we did earlier in 2019.})

HaiMake Up, total: $265 (estimate: $200)

• ^{Hair by Hannah Hendricks at Bucci Salon (Fargo, ND This included a trial and haimake up the day of. Lashes included. The stylist was extremely talented and I could not have wished for anyone better.})

DJ: $285 (estimate: $1000)

• ^{PowerPlay DJ – with COVID-19 we decided to skip the dance and play yard games instead. We did still pay for a DJ to play the ceremony music and provide the mics. Worked out great. The rest of the night we used the sound system provided by the venue to use for our first dance and parent/child dances and I created a “Wedding Bangers” playlist on Spotify while we played yard games.}

Rehearsal Dinner, total: $155 (estimate: $1,000)

• ^{The Roadhouse (Lake Park, MN We were going to pay for food and the first drink for our 30 guests and my husbands parents surprised us and bought everyone’s meals so we just had to cover the drinks! It worked out sweet for us!})

Everything Else, total: $2,068 (estimate $3,130)
Emergency Fund - $0 (estimate $1,000)

• ^{We were so happy we didn’t need to use our slush fund!}

Breakfast and Lunch Day of - $187 (estimate: $230)

• ^{We bought breakfast muffins and bars from Costco and then ordered subs from Subway for lunch (bought cookies and chips from Costco as sides})

Bridesmaids Hair - $230 (estimate: $300)

• ^{To help with bridal party costs we paid for their wedding hair.}

Groomsmen Suits - $300 (estimate: $300)

• ^{My husband picked some snazzy (but spendy suits and to help offset the costs we paid $100 towards each of their suits}.)

Favors - $281 (estimate $0)

• ^{We were not going to do party favors when we had a larger invite list – but once it was smaller I felt I had more money to do something fun! I made personalized hand sanitizers and ordered personalized can koozies.}

Other Décor and accessories - $350 (estimate: $200)

• ^{I ordered cheap IKEA picture frames and used them as table numbers. I designed the inserts myself and printed them off at Walgreens. Also printed off a bunch of pictures for a memory table and used existing frames and when I ran out I bought a bunch at the dollar store. Bought fairy lights and extra batteries off of Amazon and never used them as well as 200 yards of Gossamer fabric for random decorating needs. I used about 50 feet of it. Honestly I thought I was going to need to decorate a lot more than we ended up doing because the barn was so beautiful. Wasn’t planning on making a emergency kit myself but I panicked and made one which ran about $50.}

Tips - $390 (estimate: $400)

• ^{Tips for DJ, baker, HMAU, servers and bartender.}

Gifts - $330 (estimate: $300)

• ^{We had 2 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen, 1 officiant, 1 flower girl, 2 ushers, and 4 parents to get gifts for.}

Other Expenses Not Accounted For:

• ^{Bridal Shower. Thrown by one of my good friends. It was absolutely perfect.}
• ^{Extra Masks and Hand Sanitizer – I just knew we needed them}
• ^Manicure
• ^{Gifts for the Bride/Groom. I bought custom cufflinks for my husband and he bought me artwork that drew out a voice recording of his vows from Etsy.}
• ^{Our rings. We had separate money set aside from our wedding fund.}

Things that went well / made the night special:

• ^{First look with my dad – My dad had half his tongue removed last year and rebuilt using his arm as well as a 3 months of chemo and radiation. It was a rough time for my family and having him alive today to walk me down the aisle made the day even more special and I wanted some one on one time.}
• ^{First look with my husband – for obvious reasons.}
• ^{Spending the entire weekend with our wedding party all in one place. We hadn’t seen each other in person because of COVID-19 and we really needed the bonding time.}
• ^{Our memorial table. I do not have any surviving grandparents and my husband only has one and was nice to have them included in some, small way.}
• ^{Cake topper. I LOVE manatees. I found the cutest manatee bride and groom toppers and the splurge was totally worth it.}
• ^{Our vows. We wrote our own vows and it was just perfect.}
• ^{My shoes – choosing to wear sneakers instead of heels kept my feet from aching!}

Things that didn’t go so well:

• ^{The DJ didn’t download our ceremony music and was planning on streaming. Problem is we were having the ceremony outside and there was no wifi. Thanks to problem solving from an usher and our officiant they used one of their phones and the DJ help a microphone up to the phone speaker. I didn’t know anything was awry until someone told me afterwards!}
• ^{Because the music debacle took so long to fix we started our ceremony late. We were streaming via Facebook using my phone on a tripod and it overheated and crashed and had to be restarted as we were walking down the aisle but it started streaming by the time my dad and I walked down. Again – had no idea – our usher handled it all.}

^{The months leading up to our wedding was very stressful for both of us. On top of the pandemic – my brother suffered a broken neck and traumatic brain injury from a motorcycle accident 6 weeks before our wedding, and my husband’s mom had a stroke two week prior. Thankfully both were able to attend and we were even more thankful they were there. The wedding weekend was amazing – you could tell we all needed some quality time with our loved ones. While it was small - it was full of the people we are closest to and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Everyone was very respectful about wearing masks inside the venue day of and being cognizant social distancing before and after our special day.}

Hey all! Long-time lurker, first-time poster inspired by quarantine to read Ramona Singer's 2015 memoir "Life on the Ramona Coaster." It was just as bonkers as I anticipated, so please enjoy the fruits of my experience:
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Life on the Ramona Coaster is billed as "a candid, behind-the-scenes glimpse into the emotional, dynamic, and often entertaining life of Ramona Singer" that readers will find "alternately heart-wrenching and hilarious." As someone who frowned pensively at least once and also did that thing where you kind of laugh but mostly just exhale forcibly out your nose several times during the 57 minutes it took me to read this book cover-to-cover, I feel comfortable wholeheartedly endorsing this assessment.
The cover of the 208-page memoir features a picture of everyone's favorite skincare-and-general-business maven casually lounging on her side, cheekily holding up a golden apple in a way that makes me realize that there is really no non-awkward way to hold an apple. And yes, I did actually go find this weird decorative golden apple I own for some reason and spend an embarrassing amount of time trying out different grasping angles. Ramona has settled for delicately holding the apple as if it were a wine glass with an invisible stem, which is suppose is probably just some kind of muscle memory for her at this point. What I find unforgivable, however, is the fact that Ramona's while silk blouse has gotten bunched up and caught in between her legs like a piece of errant toilet paper. Very elegant and expensive errant toilet paper, but toilet paper nonetheless.
Given the New York housewives' sordid histories with ghostwriters, I wasn't sure whether or not I should expect Ramona's authentic voice to come through the page. But by literally one sentence into the introduction (ominously titled, "A Work in Progress…"), my worries were completely assuaged. In just over four pages, Ramona introduces us to RHONY, (an "equally successful" spinoff to RHOC that she describes as "a truly humbling experience"), to her "successful seven-figure business," and to her dark history of family dysfunction. Luckily, Ramona keeps the mood from becoming too somber by making sure that references to her abusive father are couched inside allusions to hip NYC eateries, her many close friends, and her own accolades. Case in point: "Over lunch at Fig and Olive, a chic Mediterranean restaurant on the Upper East Side, I told my close friend, Joni, and in turn the 1.75 million viewers who tuned in to watch that episode, what it was like to grow up in a fractured household."
Ramona ends the introduction with a really wild paragraph that is more like a bunch of inspirational Pinterest sayings smashed together end-to-end: "We all go through ups and downs in life. I've been through a lot. I have earned everything I have and I take nothing for granted. Nothing can hold you back if you don't want it to. When you wake up in the morning, you have a choice; you can either control your fate and work towards renewing certain aspects of your life or you can hide under the covers and complain about your misfortunes." Part of me is tempted to adopt this passage as a sort of daily mantra to myself, but the other part of me is imagining the face my therapist will make if I tell her I'm getting my self-help advice from Ramona Singer's 2015 memoir.
The first two chapters of the book detail Ramona's early life, as well as her relationship with her parents. And honestly, there's not much to snark on here. True to form, Ramona does a charming job of peppering her painful recollections with brand names ("I stood in front of the Viking free-range."; "I set the table with my antique gold Minton china."; "Mario zipped up my gold Michael Kors dress."). And there are some excerpts that read a bit more like dialogue from an exceptionally shoddy Lifetime movie. For example, in one passage, Ramona's mother entreats her, "Ramona, I pray to God every night that you go to college. I pray that you get an education, so you can have a career and never have to depend on a man. I pray you [sic] that you will be able to support yourself so you can marry for love, not for money or stability. I pray for you to become a strong independent woman, so you will never feel trapped like me." To which our heroine blithely replies, "Okay Mom. I promise. I will go to college and make money and have my own career." Just the kind of absolutely normal response a human being would give and definitely not the phrasing of the beta version of a Stepford Wife animatronic.
There is also a passage where Ramona describes how she apparently cured her mother's cancer with coenzymes and shark cartilage??
Chapter Three, "Fashion Forward," follows Ramona's career from her start in fashion merchandising through the beginnings of RHONY, and it goes more or less exactly how I thought it would. She tells us that she got into FIT ("a very exclusive honors program”) simply by going to see the dean and "convincing him to admit [her]". Which could have been either a very gross casting couch situation or simply Ramona shrieking at a confused man in a grating voice until he agreed to give her what she wanted. Based on the fact that she goes on to tell us that she was good at sales because "I was very aggressive," I'm going to assume the latter.
Ramona regales us with business advice ("Rule #1: Always start high.") and shares some emotional insights (of an ex-fiancé, she reflects that "he was successful, funny, handsome, and smart, but he was emotionally distant -- like my father."). After losing her job, dumping the fiancé, and moving in with a roommate ("that I couldn't stand"), a 29-year-old Ramona Singer decides to spend her last $5000 on "the most magnificent Golden Isle fox fur coat I had ever seen" because it "complemented my long blonde hair perfectly." Don't worry, though. This is definitely not frivolous or impractical but actually a "deliberate decision" to "make an investment in myself." And then Mario calls her the very next day and they start dating, so I'm not really sure what the moral of that story was supposed to be, but we'll just keep trucking along.
We jump to the summer of 2007, with everyone's favorite "prominent plastic surgeon and expert on natural anti-aging procedures," Dr. Sharon Giese (stay tuned -- there is a literal infomercial for Dr. Giese in a few chapters). Dr. Giese connects Ramona with the RHONY producers, who come and film some scenes with her and Avery out shopping. Avery (reminder, a literal twelve-year-old at this point) gets self-conscious that people are staring them, to which Ramona literally rolls her eyes, reflecting that "it's easy for me to block out the cameras, probably because growing up I had to block out all the noise in my family. I shut the cameras out, just like I shut out my father's yelling." I cannot help but picture Ramona as this horse.
Ramona tells us that producers had also seen her at a party "hosted by my friend Pamela Morgan, who owns a culinary business called Flirting with Flavors" (which is explicitly name-dropped in an almost identical sentence in literally the very same chapter). She was just being her "usual animated, outgoing, gregarious self, bopping around and asking questions," leading intrigued producers to try to track her down. This is also where we find the first bit of not-at-all-subtle shade against Jill Zarin -- "Apparently, they tried to track me down, but they couldn’t find me -- even though Jill Zarin, who was also at the party, could have told them how to contact me."
Ramona refuses to sign the show's contract until the producers agree to FedEx her the demo tape, which she decides is "totally adorable" and agrees to do the show. But our ever-pragmatic Ramona has second thoughts: "I don’t need to be famous. I'm already popular with my friends. I already have a successful business…I already have a full life." Also, as she tells producers, "I don't really do all those big charity events anymore…That's not where I'm at anymore." Ramona is mature and sophisticated, so she "prefers to do dinner parties for fifteen, thirty people tops." The producers agree to accommodate her, and Ramona ultimately goes through with filming the show "as a way to showcase Mario's True Faith Jewelry website." Sure, Jan.
The show also gives Ramona a convenient platform to share her skincare line, which she casually mentions "made my skin look fifteen years younger." But actually, she "mostly did it to show Avery how to take a business from beginning to end."
Chapter 4 opens with a less-than-flattering picture of Ramona after what I can only assume is four glasses of Pinot and a Xanax, as well as an anecdote about the first time Ramona met Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen ("at Townhouse, David Burke's innovate restaurant on the Upper East Side"). You can read this one for yourselves:

Mario and I walk over to the bar and say hello. Jill, who prides herself on connecting people, introduces us to the couple.
"Ramona," she says, "I'd like you to meet Alex McCord -- who will be filming the show with us -- and her lovely husband, Simon." I am taken aback. This is Alex and Simon. The same Alex and Simon with whom I will be spending the next few months filming. Now that I'm seeing them in person, I suspect the reason Bravo wanted us to meet after we started filming was so that they could capture my initial reaction to them on camera. Too late.
"Nice to meet you," I say cordially to Alex as I kiss her on the cheek.
Alex opens her mouth to speak and I hear a grating, Australian accent. Although I may have had one too many cocktails, I know that voice doesn't belong to Alex. Suddenly, Simon is standing up and talking to me. He drones on, and on, and on. I'm not even listening to the words coming out of his mouth. I cannot believe that he won't let his wife get a single word it.
I interject enthusiastically, "So, Alex, are you excited about filming the show?" She opens her mouth to respond, but Simon speaks over her and answers the question himself. Alex doesn’t seem bothered by his interruption. Quite the opposite. To me, she seems like a puppet sitting on her ventriloquist's lap, content to simply sit in the background, smile, and nod her head in agreement. She says nothing.
My head is spinning…and it's not from too many cocktails. I'm annoyed by their seemingly codependent dynamic and I don't even understand why. I try to tell myself to stop judging people I don't even know. How can you jump to conclusions about Alex based on this one encounter? I ask myself. But I can't help it. It bothers me when I perceive a woman is married to a man who doesn't let her talk and directs her every move. Suddenly, I see the connection. Their relationship reminds me of my parents' awful marriage, a one-sided partnership where the woman is completely dependent on the man. The way Alex and Simon interact with one another has hit a huge nerve. Right or wrong, it's personal for me and I'm completely turned off. I do not like them.
"Mario," I say hastily, "we have to go." On the way home, Mario and I discuss the encounter.
"That was awkward," I say, working myself up into a frenzy. "I can't believe that Bravo would cast that woman. She has no personality. She's completely nondescript. She's boring."
Mario tries to calm me down. "Maybe it was just awkward because you ladies weren't supposed to meet yet."
"I don't care if we weren't supposed to meet yet," I snap. "It doesn’t change the fact that she doesn't appear to be a strong, independent housewife like the rest of us." I pause, roll my eyes, and inhale deeply. "This is going to be a long season."

Ramona continues the chapter by once again name dropping "my friend Pamela Morgan of Flirting with Flavors" and telling us about how her newfound celebrity has changed her life, mostly thorough fairly conspicuous humble-brags ("That season I was nominated for Bravos' A-list Drama Queen, which was awarded to the most popular and entertaining female in a reality television series, and I remember one of the producers saying to me, 'Ramona, you're the star of the season.' I just thought, what are you talking about? What does that even mean?"). She describes the Season 2 Reunion as "very abusive" and cryptically says, about Jill yelling at her, that "at that point, I didn't really have the verbal tactics." Apparently, if she could do it again, she would respond by saying "Stop. You're hurting my feelings. What you're saying and how you're treating me isn't right." Which is not a bad thing to say necessarily but also feels like dialogue from an elementary school say-no-to-drugs skit.
Ever our introspective queen, Ramona goes on to explain why she had such a strong reaction to meeting Alex and Simon. I'll give you one guess, and if it's not "my abusive childhood," your guess doesn't count. Yup, it turns out that in addition to her Berkshires trauma, Ramona has trauma for anything related to Brooklyn! As in, she literally says, "Now I can see that a big part of why I reacted so negatively to them was in part because they were from Brooklyn. It had a bad connotation for me." Because apparently once Ramona and her mother stayed with a family member in Brooklyn so they could get away from her father?
We continue our journey into RHONY Season 3, where Ramona wastes no time in telling us that "Jill is the type of person that if you have something she doesn't have, instead of wishing you well she feels slighted that she's not a part of it." Which is…not wrong. Of course, our wise and empathetic maven understands that "That's just her personality. Although it's often riled me up over the years, I've learned to accept her for who she is." This restraint lasts for exactly one chapter, after which Ramona drops this passage:

For the record: I do not have a drinking problem nor have I ever struggled with addiction of any kind. I am an adult, I work hard and play hard, but I know my limits and I am never out of control. You rarely see Jill drinking on the show and I've heard that the reason for this is that she has had problems with substance abuse in the past. I have always respected her privacy, so for her to publicly accuse of [sic] me of having a drinking problem, which is not true, was very upsetting to me.

Side note, out of the three longer quotes I've transcribed so far, this is the second one to just have a random extra word in the middle of a sentence? Ramona, if you're reading this? Please let me proofread your next book. I won't charge and I will also teach you where commas are supposed to go.
We get Ramona's memories of Jill and Bethenny's final fight, which it turns out was obviously mostly LuAnn's fault, of course. "I don't think LuAnn was a positive presence that day…I really feel that she inserted herself into the situation and prevented them from finishing their conversation…I think it's hard for LuAnn to make friends. It's a common mistake we women make; we get possessive and territorial. But women should not feel threatened by other women's friendship. Friends are meant to be shared. There really is enough love to go around." Ramona is truly teetering on the edge of Sister Wives territory -- love should be multiplied, not divided.
And of course, like any self-empowered mogul who supports other women, Ramona goes on to call Bethenny a "scrappy, self-made street urchin." Just like Oliver Twist! Manhattan apartment, Fire Island weekends, and everything! Ramona then hilariously gives her perspective on the Bethenny/Kelly feud: "There was a lot of resentment there because they had met a number of times, but Kelly would always act like she didn’t remember. And probably Kelly didn’t remember because she couldn't have cared less about Bethenny." Honestly, Ramona correctly using 'couldn't have cared less' might be the most impressive part of this book.
We then get a recap of the Scary Island saga, which I think enough people have dug into elsewhere. So suffice it to say, Ramona "[thinks] Kelly has a hard time conversing in intimate situation, especially when the subject of emotions comes up. The way I see it, if you have no feelings and you cannot talk about them or be in touch with them, then you might as well be a robot." In contrast, our girl is "a very emotional person. I'm Ramotional."
Although it's light on the behind-the-scenes gossip, Chapter 5 ("Look Good, Feel Better, Act Your Best") may have been my favorite chunk of the book. We enter on Ramona nervously prepping for an HSN appearance, where she takes "a sip of sparkling water and a handful of unsalted almonds" to calm her nerves. Ah, yes, unsalted almonds -- my favorite comfort food. Ramona explains why television appearances are so difficult for her in a hilariously self-aware line: "I don't have a problem finding things to say, but I do have a hard time taking direction."
We flash back to the genesis of True Faith Jewelry, and Ramona tells the story in the most Ramona way possible: "I researched the latest selling trends in retail and worked with a factory that had on-staff designers to create beautiful pieces inspired by the art deco estate jewelry that I love. Because I had the ambition and courage to pick up the phone and cold call the Vice President of Jewelry Merchandising at HSN, soon I was selling my own jewelry line on live television and through the Internet." I can only hope to develop that kind of bravery and inner strength some day!
The next business venture we follow is none other than Ramona Pinot Grigio. "Like Popeye with spinach," Ramona tells us, "I enjoy a glass of wine at night or with dinner." We hear that everyone had been begging Ramona to start her own wine business for years, but our girl has strongly held principles that she just couldn’t compromise! And those principles are that Pinot Grigio "should be from Italy." But sometimes, you just have to give the people what they want. "I couldn’t get away from it. Ramona and Pinot Grigio just go together."
One of the funniest things about this book to me is the random little bits of business savvy that Ramona sneaks in (or rather, clunkily forces in). Case in point: "When you go into a liquor store, particularly the larger ones in the suburbs, they stack the cartons and it becomes a display, so you can't just package your wine in plain cardboard boxes. I love the way Moët & Chandon is all yellow-gold with black, so my cartons are inspired by Moët."
Because this book is…loosely structured, we start to flip back to Season 4 of RHONY. Did we know that Ramona was the one who brought Cindy Barshop onto the show? I'm not sure how many points should be deducted for that, but I will give Ramona +100 for non-ironically using the word "Jillousy" to describe Jill's behavior during the season.
Ramona gets named 2011's "Mogul of the Year" at the Stevie Awards, but tells us that she was running herself ragged behind the scenes. "I remember carrying around five different plastic folders, in different colors, one for each business to keep everything straight." I like this detail because it makes me think of Ramona as an elementary schooler who has a blue folder for Math and a yellow folder for Language Arts. And also because Ramona has apparently never heard of expandable organizers.
The final straw apparently comes when the HSN jewelry line gets sold at a much higher price point than Ramona originally planned: "Even I wouldn't pay a thousand dollars for my own jewelry and I'm in the top 1% of wealth!" She tells us that she's taken a step back from many of her businesses and doesn’t travel as much anymore, because family is truly what matters. Family, and "AOA Bar and Grill, a 6,000 square-foot, 190-seat restaurant in Tribeca." It's "a lively sports bar that is conducive to meeting and talking. It's a fun, relaxed place where you can hang out with friends, meet people, and network. I personally feel when you go to a restaurant it's more fun in the bar area. Who wants to sit at a table alone in the corner?" I personally feel this book just took a commercial break.
We come back to a scene that seems to have been lifted straight out of a Gossip Girl book (and one of the later, shittier ones, at that), in which Ramona goes to the salon to get her iconic haircut. Roll scene:

I walk past the exposed brick walls and sit in Oscar's swivel chair. I first met Oscar Blandi in 2007. Harper's Bazaar was doing a spread on The Real Housewives of New York City and Oscar was the head hairstylist. I was impressed by how he was able to handle us boisterous and demanding ladies on that long shoot and he has been cutting, coloring, and styling my hair ever since. I figured if he can take on all the Housewives together, he can certainly handle me on my own.
I take a sip of Pellegrino and start talking. "I feel like doing something different today. I want a new look. What do you suggest?"
He looks stunned. "Really? What's going on?” He runs his fingers through my long blonde hair, "I know how much you love your long locks."
"I just feel like it's time for a new look. I'm going through a process of renewal in different aspects of my life. I'm renewing my relationship with my husband, my daughter and my girlfriends. Why not renew my appearance, too? I want to make sure my inner self matches my outer appearance."
He smiles devilishly, "Well, how short are you willing to go?" I laugh. His question reminds me of being on an awkward high school date, where the guy asks if you're willing to go to third base. I look around the salon and spot a stunning picture of the vivacious and lovable Kelly Ripa on the cover of a magazine. I turn to look at myself in the mirror and place one hand on top of each shoulder. "Right to here," I say.
"Ramona, are you sure?" he asks. I nod my head. He continues, "Okay. We won't make it so drastic. I will keep the front of your hair the same -- long layers and the bands -- and just cut and layer the back. I promise I will make it short, sexy and sassy."
"Cut away," I insist.
When the steels [sic] scissors hit my long locks, I start to freak out. I have had long hair since I was sixteen years old. I wonder if I have just made a huge mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have been so bold. I try to calm down. I close my eyes and put complete faith in Oscar. I trust him. I tell myself that I can handle this. After all, it's just hair. It will grow back…eventually. "All finished," Oscar says happily.
I stare into the illuminated mirror. My eyes open wide. I barely recognize the woman looking back at me. I feel like a new person inside and out. The woman getting her hair done a few stations over says, "Wow, I love your hair. You look so much younger. You look fabulous."
"I'll take it," I say, "who doesn’t want to look younger?" I run my hands through my soft, short, sassy hair. I actually feel lighter. I feel free. As I open the salon door and walk out onto Madison Avenue, I want to scream, hey everybody, look at me. This is the new Ramona.

Another important part of 'the new Ramona' is apparently physical fitness. We know this in part thanks to this photo spread, succinctly captioned "My fit body." She goes on to give us her musings on Botox, plastic surgery, and -- of course -- Dr. Sharon Giese. I'm really starting to feel like Ramona wrote this book in a single, stream-of-consciousness sitting and the publishers just immediately starting printing. For example, when discussing IPL facials: "You're in and out in an hour. Youre [sic] face will be red and sometimes your skin will crust over." We also learn that Ramona tried to hide her boob job by telling everyone that she had "been doing push ups." Apparently, Ramona and I were both heavily affected by Are You There God, It's Me Margaret as preteens.
And the chapter closes with an extended infomercial for Dr. Sharon Giese. Just one excerpt:

My good friend, Dr. Sharon Giese, offers a treatment in her office called VASER Shape, which eliminates unwanted fat cells and reduces the appearance of cellulite through the use of ultrasound and massage therapy. Studies on these treatments have shown deep tissue massage can break down fibrous bands of fat, aiding circulation and resulting in an improvement on how the skin appears. I have tried this non-surgical, painless procedure and had excellent results.

Sign me up!
Chapter 6 follows Ramona's "life-changing" volunteer trip to Africa in 2010. It is exactly as tone-deaf and white-savior-y as you'd expect. However, what I was wholly unprepared for were the descriptions of animal genitalia. You heard me. Animal genitalia.

…we encountered a parade of enormous elephants crossing the road ahead of us. We had to pull over and wait for them to pass through. Seeing these enormous creatures in person I finally understood the phase "hung like an elephant" -- it truly looks like a fifth appendage.

​

Almost as remarkable as the lions, we saw monkeys with large round testicles of the brightest blue you can possibly imagine, which gave new meaning to the term "blue balls."

On the first day of the trip, Ramona apparently shows up late for the introductory meeting because she never got her scheduled wake-up call. Rather than just sneaking in quietly and making apologies, Ramona goes to the concierge and makes him write her an excuse note, like she was late for school because of a doctor's appointment. Also, in peak Ramona fashion, she decides "to host a cocktail party in the camp's wine cellar on our last night there" and has the staff "deliver handwritten letters to each of the women, inviting them to join me that evening."
Soon after Ramona returns from her trip, the group films the RHONY Season 3 reunion, giving her a chance to show off her well-honed conflict resolution skills:

I even did my best to diffuse the tension between Bethenny and Kelly. At one point I got upset because I felt like Kelly wouldn’t stop ranting about Bethenny's PR people attacking her on Page 6, which I don't believe is true. I didn't want to say, "Shut up, Kelly," so instead I stood up and said, "Oh, I'm so hot," and started walking around, flipping the skirt of my dress. They all thought I as [sic] was having a hot flash, but I was actually just trying to interrupt Kelly.

We've gone a full two pages without some sort of thinly veiled humble-brag, but are quickly satiated:

After that Reunion, I remember one of the producers asking me how I would feel about filming with Jill for Season 5. I told her, "Somehow I'll make it work. I don't know how, but I always make it work. I'll figure it out." I remember her saying to me, "Ramona, that's what we like about you, you're a team player."

Which takes us up to Season 5 and the introduction of Heather ("a phony and a fake"), Carole ("a wonderful free spirit" who has encouraged Ramona to "become more edgy") and Aviva ("a snake full of venom"). We also get Ramona's input on Sonja's mythical toaster oven line:

Heather wanted Sonja to put the muscular torso of a man on the box and I thought, who wants to buy a toaster oven from a half-naked man? If I'm a housewife or a grandmother, I'm going to buy a toaster oven because Sonja Morgan is on the box, not some random naked guy. I loved Sonja's idea to have herself, looking glamorous and beautiful, on the box, but I think she didn't speak up because Heather can be very intimidating.

Ramona does her best to remain coy about LuAnn's infamous pirate encounter ("All I know is, LuAnn loves men and men love LuAnn, so I can only begin to imagine what really happened.") and gives us her impressions of Aviva's leg throw ("You almost felt like she had cut her leg off because her prosthetic is so realistic looking.") before moving along to her and Mario's ill-fated vow renewal. After meticulously cataloguing the luxury goods in her vicinity ("my gorgeous Kimberly Towers wedding dress"; "I am wearing six-inch platform, silver metallic Casadei heels"; "her Badgley Mischka sequined heels"), Ramona recalls being momentarily taken aback "when a vision of my younger self appears in the mirror by my side. For a split second, I think I am hallucinating, but then I realize Avery is standing beside me." God bless Ramona and her identical twin daughter.
The final chapters of the book follow the decline of Ramona and Mario's marriage, ultimately culminating in their divorce. And while she'll never win a Pulitzer Prize, it's honestly hard not to feel bad for Ramona when reading this part (like when she confronts Mario about talking to another woman and he responds, "Yes, I was. Do you want to know what else I do with her besides talk?" YIKES). Instead, I'd like to focus on the real scandal that was inadvertently revealed. Take a look at this excerpt:

I remember the three of us sitting down in our finished basement, where we have this long L-shaped couch. Avery and I were sitting next to one another on one end of the couch and Mario was way over on the far end.

Anything jump out at you?

I remember the three of us sitting down in our finished basement

Anything?

our finished basement

Lower level who? Case closed.
There is also this bananas scene where Ramona admits to literally gaslighting her now-adult daughter about her marital issues:

The most convincing lies are steeped in truth, so I very delicately spun a web using threads of what she had heard and what I knew she wanted to believe.
"Avery, you misunderstood what we were saying. There is a woman who is stalking your father. She wants our money. She's the one who published the fake article in the press. When I said, 'Go fuck her,' I didn't mean physically. I meant, 'Screw her. Who cares what she does? She can't hurt us.'"
I looked into my daughters eyes and what I saw there in that moment was pure relief. Avery is not a naïve person. She is a very intelligent and savvy young woman who can smell bullshit from a mile away. She believed my lie because for most of her life, we were the perfect family.

She also includes an incredibly personal six-page letter that Avery apparently wrote to Mario in the wake of his affair. It includes lines like, "No sane husband would ever bring his mistress into his family home," that make me more than a little suspicious that it may have actually been Avery's identical twin/mother who wrote this. Or maybe I'm just hoping that's the case, because otherwise this feels like a super egregious breach of privacy.
Continuing to inappropriately enmesh her daughter in her love life, Ramona says "Avery helped me put up a post on Twitter announcing that I was moving on with my life without Mario." I'm not sure exactly how much technical assistance could possibly be involved in posting a tweet, but thankfully, Avery was there to provide backup.
I find it really charming throughout this chapter how obvious it is that Ramona has spent a lot of time googling "why do men cheat" and reading the WebMD page for "Midlife Crisis." A few examples:

Most men define themselves by success. Even if the man isn't the dominant one in the marriage, I think it must be emasculating if the wife's multiple businesses are successful while the husband's business is falling apart.

​

Looking back, I think he was in the middle of a midlife crisis. It can happen to anyone, male or female, and it is often triggered by such factors as a child leaving home or a struggling or failing business. These potentially traumatic life events can result in an overall sense of dissatisfaction within oneself, which can last for two to six years.

​

I believe that when a spouse strays outside a marriage of many years, more often than not, it's not usually about the partner. I think it comes from a place of deep unhappiness and instead of communicating with their partner, the spouse goes looking outside the marriage for something to make him or her feel whole again.

​

I've read that when one partner has an indiscretion and betrays the other partner -- because sometimes it’s the man and sometimes it's the woman -- it takes a good two years to repair the damage.

And just like that, we come to the final page of Life on the Ramona Coaster, which of course gets explicitly name-dropped -- "Life is a roller coaster, or in my case it's a Ramonacoaster." In her final lines, Ramona leaves us with a bit of parting wisdom -- "Sometimes it's thrilling, sometimes it's terrifying, but you just have to raise your hands in the air, throw your head back, and enjoy the ride.
The very last page of my copy of Life on the Ramona Coaster contains the "About the Author" section, so I'll end this synopsis with an excerpt from Ramona's undoubtedly self-penned description:

In addition to her role as the spunky, unfiltered, Upper East Side housewife on Bravo's The Real Housewives of New York City, Ramona Singer is an astute businesswoman and a true aficionado of fashion, who has taken the beauty, accessory, and wine industries by storm…Her entrepreneurial skills have received praise from media industry giants such as Women's Wear Daily, FoxBusiness, and People. She currently resides in New York City with her dog Coco.