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Hello There! My name is u/houseofcards32 and welcome to airsoft! This thread was created to help beginners and newer players out there. I hope you will get something out of this post, as it contains almost every bit of information you need to get started. This thread gets updated every year with new information and sections, so assume the 2019/2020 guides are out of date. This thread will be automatically updated on January 1st, 2022. At the bottom of this thread will include all of the guides I have created so far, if you are looking for something that is not in here, I would look there first. This thread also has a video for each section created by me. Don't want to read the massive wall of text that follows? No worries! Sit back and watch the short 1-3 minute videos on the topic. Consider liking and subscribing to my youtube channel,cards32 , as I don't make money off of these, but I do make it for beginners/newcomers benefit. Under each section will be a video for that specific section. How to start airsoft in 2020 Battery Guide (LiPo vs nImh) Stick with an M4/AK if you are an airsoft beginner Lancer Tactical is bad 2021 Beginner Thread video playlist (in order) Are you looking to start airsoft? Do you need information about the basics? Well look no further! This guide will have 15 sections:
Basic Information
How much does airsoft cost?
The best beginner rifles (AK/M4 variants) for $100-250
Things to generally avoid when playing
What should you bring to your first airsoft game
What weight bb should I be using?
Can I start airsoft as a sniper?
What eyepro/lower face projection should I invest in?
What is a "MED"?
What is a GBBR?
The Search bar
Orange tips and their legality
Airsoft youtubers
MSW (MilSim West)
What are some cheap gear brands to get as a beginner?
Lancer Tactical
What airsoft shops should I buy from?
Don't go out and spend $1000 before playing
Comparing paintball and airsoft is like comparing apples to oranges
What are the most common gearboxes?
Other guides that may be useful
Section 1: Basic Information Video link Your first airsoft guns is one of the most important purchases you will make while playing airsoft. As your first gun, it should be reliable, affordable, versatile, easy to work on (V2/V3), high performance, and compatible with as many upgrades and accessories as possible. This means buying and AEG, or Automatic electric gun or Sub-Machine gun (also known as an SMG). Forget about buying sniper rifles, pistols, gas guns, and other exotic airsoft guns until you have more experience, money, and at least one backup weapon. To play airsoft it is HIGHLY recommended that you have the following items:
An AEG (NOT A LPAEG)
Magazines (high capacity magazines are recommended, which holds around 300+ bb's)
Some batteries
A charger
All airsoft AEG's come with a magazine out of the box (sometimes a mid cap), but is highly recommended that you have 2-3 of these while you are playing. Eye protection is the most important thing in airsoft. All airsoft fields/sites require you to wear goggles/masks while playing. For more information check section 8. Section 2: How much does airsoft cost? Video link Although airsoft is markedly cheaper than other shooting sports, it's still an expensive hobby. Site fees vary greatly but will typically exceed $25 for a day's play. It is reasonably common to spend in excess of $400 buying, upgrading and accessorizing a single airsoft gun. Gear and clothing can be similarly expensive. It is possible to play airsoft very successfully with just basic equipment, but even the cheapest possible equipment required to play airsoft safely will still cost you a minimum of $100. If you want a competitive advantage, or to play more advanced simulation games, you should expect significant additional expenditure. It is common for users to approach airsoft with unrealistically low budgets. If you have less than $100-150 to spend, you are not realistically in a position to play airsoft. We will not compromise your safety by recommending you skimp on personal protective equipment. We refuse to recommend Low Power Electric Guns ('LPAEGs'), spring pistols and other ultra-low-budget airsoft guns because their performance is so poor, and their life expectancy so short, that they represent a false economy. You may still be able to afford to rent gear at an organized airsoft site, but not for more than a handful of games at most. FAQs: 1. I think I can afford to play. What's the next step? If you haven't already,read the rest of this guide. 2. Why are you lying to me? I can easily find airsoft guns that cost less than $100. In airsoft, as in most aspects of life, there is a minimum price below which a product cannot be made fit for purpose. It is possible to buy something approximately gun-shaped for less than $100. Do not confuse this with the ability to buy a gun that will be sufficiently powerful, reliable and long-lived enough to play airsoft with. LPEGs, spring pistols and ultra-low-budget airsoft guns are utterly inadequate for airsoft play and will break rapidly, at which point you will be back to having no gun and will also have lost whatever you spent. In addition, you still need to buy suitable Personal Protective Equipment ('PPE'), which is an absolute prerequisite of play and not free. THE ONLY EXCEPTION to this rule is spring shotguns. The tri-Shot ones. They shoot anywhere from 3-6 bb’s at a time and most shells hold about 30 rounds. These shotguns are only optimal for CQB arenas and highly urban fields. They have extremely limited range so keep that in mind. 3. The best beginner rifles (AK/M4 variants) for $100-250 Video link To get into the hobby of airsoft, you will need to have a decent budget. Most beginneintermediate guns cost anywhere from $100-250, but that cost does not include bb's, magazines, batteries, and a charger. Some guns come with a wall charger and a battery, but most users (including myself) recommend throwing the wall chargers away. This is simply because the wall chargers are normally very low quality. Most players recommend starting airsoft with an M4 or AK style variant AEG. Please note that Lancer Tactical rifles are NOT included in this guide, please check section 16 for more information on this topic. Note that the current Covid-19 pandemic is still ongoing, so things might read out of stock on the websites listed. I would check other websites if the items listed are not shown. Commonly recommended choices are:
CYMA AK Series -$130 - CM028, CMO40, CM045, CM048, and CMO28S) are clones of the original TM AK-47’s and AKS-47’s , and they include a high cap magazine (500-600 rounds). These are the cheapest AEG we recommend, and are generally considered reliable, upgradeable, and reasonably versatile. However, their all-Acrylonitrile Butadiene Styrene ('ABS') plastic construction makes them relatively fragile. For improved robustness we strongly recommend spending slightly more to purchase a Glass-Filled Nylon Polymer ('GFP') AR-15 or a steel AK.
CYMA Platinum M4 Series -$250 - CYMA's newest addition to the intermediate M4 world, with these being one of the most recommended beginner guns of 2020. With updated internals, great trigger response, and a strong gearbox shell being the highlights of this rifle. Note that these go on sale quite often and the price drops around $240-250.
CYMA Sport M4 Series -$185 - CYMA's solution to "budget" airsoft guns that have good internals and can be had for a decent price. Not as many features as the plat's, but have completely over hauled internals, as shown in Negative Airsoft's video.
ICS Sportline -$180-200 - ICS' Sportline AR-15s are effectively a re-shell of their excellent regular guns in a GFP receiver. They retain the convenient split gearbox system of the regular guns. Note that most of ICS's rifles are slightly proprietary in their gearboxes, so keep this in mind.
Maple Armories Marauder -$180 - Made from high density polymer but has an excellent set of internals which has been proven to be better than the Guay Guay lineup. This weapon series is on the more expensive side but has comparible internals to the VFC Avalon series.
E and C MK18 Series -$162 - These are not really common in the US, but are popular in places like Canada and the EU. The internals on these have been quite good and QC has been almost top notch for something that is under 200. There are other models available in the US, but are way more expensive.
Arcturus M4 Series -$161 -Arcturus is a relatively new brand in the airsoft market, but has come out the gate strong with their M4 series. This series has a microswtich installed, which is uncommon for other models in this price range excluding Classic Army. It also comes with 2 magazines which is great for beginners.
APEX Skirmish Series -$95-100 - OEM'd by Classic Army, Apex's Fast Attack AR-15s are a relatively new entry to the market, and are equivalent to Guay Guay's CM16s. Versions with GFP and metal receivers are available. An intermediate equivalent of these would be a GP or ICS AR-15.
Guay Guay G2 Combat Machines -$207 - Guay Guay has recently come out with a more updated version of their "Golden standard" AEGS. These are still relatively new and have had reports of poor quality mosfets. But other than that, the Gen2's are a superior upgrade to their Gen1 counterparts. Gen1's have been removed from this guide simply due to more updated rifles being out. Upgraded internals, and a better exterior allow for a better quality AEG. An intermediate/high end equivalent of these would be a VFC or a Krytac. These are not as outdated as the gen 1’s, but they still are classified as outdated when it comes to performance.
Classic Army Skirmish Series -$180-200 - Classic Army's AR-15s are a relatively new entry to the market, and are equivalent to a slightly upmarket version of Guay Guay's CM16s. An intermediate equivalent of these would be a G P or ICS AR-15. These feature a mosfet that allows you to switch to 3 round burst or 5 rebound burst.
Specna Arms Core Series -$120 -Specna Arms's CORE series of AEG's were removed from last year's guide due to QC issues, but with the issues mostly being fixed in the later end of 2020, they are being readded for their great price, and overall decent internals. Note that all the CORE series of AEG's have the same internals, just different externals, which are polymer to keep cost down.
Specna Arms EDGE Series -$220 -Another Specna model, with this being similar to the CORE series, but having a GATE X-ASR mosfet, the newer orion gearbox, and an aluminum receiver instead of polymer. Also features a quick change spring system for easier fps changes.
EMG Helios CORE/EDGE Series -$220-280 -Features the same specna internals, with the EDGE having the mosfet, and an aluminum body, whilst the core has a polymer.
4. Things to generally avoid when playing Video link Airsoft is an honor sport, when you get hit, raise your hand high and display your dead rag. Also yell “HIT” as loud as you can so the other player who is shooting you knows that you are dead. Not displaying your dead rag can lead to being shot more than you want to. Calling someone else’s hits are normally frowned upon as you’re going to cause problems on the field and airsoft drama is not worth it. If someone is suspected of cheating, call a ref/marshal over to observe the player. When you are in the field/game area, DO NOT TAKE OFF YOUR EYEPRO!! EYEPRO is the #1 important thing in airsoft. If a bb hits your eye, you more than likely will be blind. Keep your EYEPRO on at all times while in the field. If you are fogging up, walk off the field. Avoid overshooting other players, once you see a dead rag or a red rag come up, or hear “HIT” stop shooting them. Dead men tell no tales! If you are dead, and a teammate asks where you got shot from, simply say: “dead men don’t talk” and walk back to your respawn. 5. What should you bring to your first airsoft game Video link So you’ve finally bought your gun and gear and you’re heading out to your first game. As mentioned previously, you want to make sure you come prepared. As well as your AEG, you want to make sure your batteries are charged and you brought an extra magazine or two. You also want to bring WATER! Staying hydrated is one of the most important things you need to do in airsoft. Being dehydrated will ruin your day and cause problems for you. Also make sure to have a good amount of bb’s for the day. it is highly advised that you wear boots while playing, running shoes can get dirty easily and there will be mud somewhere on the field that you will end up stepping on and getting wet. An extra pair of socks is also a good idea!
What weight bb should I be using?
Video link This question is very common with a lot of newer players. LPAEG’s (Löw powered Airsoft guns) and Walmart airsoft guns use .12 gram bb’s. DO NOT RUN THESE IN AN AEG! This bb’s are cheap and will break the internals of your rifle. You don’t want to throw your money away do you? I didn’t think so. The lowest weight you can use in your replica is .20 gram bb’s. There are a lot of brands out there for bb’s: Elite Force, BLS,, HPA, KWA and so on. All of them are good brands to buy from. If you are planning on playing indoor, most users will recommend .2-.28 bb’s for the best range and efficiency. If you are planning on playing outdoor, using .28’s and higher is optimal for the best range. Just keep this in mind: the heavier weight, the slower the bb travels.
Can I start airsoft as a sniper?
Video link It's not recommended no. You can do whatever you want, but sniping is not beginner friendly. Sniping is an expensive virtue and will take a lot of money and time for you to get a rifle that shoots far. Buying a stock sniper will mean you have to put money and parts into it, as the only “good” stock sniper rifle is the SSG24, and the Silverback SRS. The popular airsoft youtuber, Novritsch, has made sniping extremely popular with noobs as he shows a lot of action and gameplay with his guns. Keep in mind that being a sniper is not all action and takes patience and time. His videos are short for a reason. You do the math.
What eyepro/lower face projection should I invest in?
Video link Eyepro is the most important thing in airsoft. Airsoft is a sport that requires you to have eye protection on at all times while on the field. Lower face protection is required for most players under the age of 18 in most American fields. Anyone over the age of 18 can normally just get away with goggles, but you don't want to have to go to the dentist do you? Didn't think so. There are different types of eye protection for airsoft, ranging from basic shooting goggles, to face masks that protect your face. There are a lot of different goggles and masks out there, but here are some of the most populamost recommended items. Any eye protection you use MUST BE ANSI 787.1+, otherwise you cannot use them! DO NOT USE MESK EYE PROTECTION UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! They are not anzi rated, and their have been hundreds of cases where someone will shoot someone with mesk eye pro, and the bb will explore on the outside of the google, allowing the bb fragments to get inside an eye.
Pyramex I-Forces (Slim) -20$ - These goggles are one of the most common eye protection recommended because they are really hard to fog. They are also the cheapest eye protection that this list will have, but these are really amazing goggles. These are full seal but these are not as big and bulky as some others.
Revison Desert Locusts -$30 - These are another amazing choice when it comes to eye protection. A little more pricer than the I Forces, but provides more protection around the face. Has fine lens curvature and the lenses adjust automatically to shifting or variable light conditions. Please note you can buy these new on their website/evike, but they cost 50-60$ new.
ESS Land Ops -$85 - Issued by the U.S Army, these goggles are another excellent choice. Features exceptional fog resistance, particle filtration, and comfort. These can also be found on eBay and military surplus stores for cheaper, but keep in mind of scratching.
Smith Optics OTW -$180 -These no doubt are the most expensive goggle on this list, but these goggles feature a fan inside of the goggle, which allows for no fog at all. The low profile housing of the fan does not interfere with the brim of a helmet. If you want something really good, \*buy once, cry once.\*
Dye i4/i5 -$100-250 - These are the best option when it comes to full face protection. This was originally designed for paintball, but has been adopted by airsofters as well. The special venting and google coating allows for zero fog. I have had one for 8 months and I have yet to deal with any problems. The prices vary depending on color, but you can find one used for roughly 60-70$. There is an updated mask, the Dye i5, which has an updated back strap and different colors.
Oakley M-Frames -$120-130 - These are often used by milsimmers as these offer great eye protection in a minimalist setup. Often used by the US military, these offer great non-fogging and are super lightweight.
ESS Crossbows -$40-80 - The ESS Crossbow Suppressor is the first spectacle frame designed for use with ear cup hearing protection and communications devices. Featuring Z-Bend Geometry, the frame's ultra-thin temple arms help keep noise out by minimizing the effect on the padded seal of ear cups. The slim temples eliminate the hot spots and pressure points that commonly occur when normal eyewear is worn under ear cups.
OneTigris Mesh Mask -$15-20 - The most common mesh mask in the market, and the most affordable one also. Made out of steel and nylon, this mask allows for maximum comfort as it is has nylon fabric cheek sides.
9. What is a "MED"? Video link If you’ve played airsoft before or are just hearing about this for the first time, a “MED” or minimum engagement distance is utilized in airsoft. Most airsoft guns have semi, and fully automatic. Most fields in the US, do NOT allow full auto within 40-50 feet. Imagine coming around a corner and getting shot with 10 bb’s because the person around the corner didn’t switch to semi. This isn’t Call of Duty, spraying your bb’s all over the place will achieve very little, if not anything. When you get closer than 40-50 feet, switch your AEG to semi. Airsoft, for the most part doesn’t hurt, but getting shot 10-20 times in a row certainly will. Don’t be that guy who full autos people from 10 feet away! It’s being an asshat, and will probably get you kicked out!
What is a GBBR?
Video link GBBR(Gas Blow-Back Rifles) are the hyper-realistic guns. If you have a larger budget and would like a more realistic experience these are the guns for you. Not usually recommended as starter guns because of the cost of gas and accessories, but not to be entirely ruled out for a select group of people. These guns require maintenance, but most would consider the work to be put to the background in the face of the utter satisfaction of using one of these guns. Check out GasBlowBack for more information on this topic. 11. The Search Bar Video link The search bar is a tool that is at the top of this sub that is used to search for a post or topic. This feature is not used by any beginners as they will probably ignore this guide and ask the question anyways. Most questions have been asked before and you will find your answer. To use the search bar: A. Open reddit B. Click on airsoft C. Using your eyeballs, look at the top of your screen D. Using your fingers, type in whatever you are looking for (I.E BEST BEGINNER SETUP) E. Using your eyeballs, look at the results F. Realize that most people will just ignore this guide and continue asking the same questions every single day. G. Profit!
Orange tips and their legality
Video link Orange tips are required for retailers, but you are more than welcome to take them off after you receive your airsoft gun. Just note by doing so you will void your warranty. Also please do not take your airsoft gun out in public and follow basic gun safety. Please check your local state/county rules before doing this though. Note that random strangers on the internet will NOT know your local rules, so I cannot empathize this enough.
Airsoft youtubers
Video link A lot of users will watch certain youtubers and get a impression of the hobby that does not exist. Remember: Their job is to get views and entertain you, they cut out the parts that are boring. Clickbait content is what most beginners watch and please note that cheaters in airsoft are not as common at they make them to be. If you are interesting in learning more about clickbait, I made a video breaking down airsoft clickbait on youtube. There is of course great content creators out there that don't just make clickbait and I implore you to go look for them. 14.MSW (MilSim West) Video link MSW is considered the only "true" Milsim in the US. Interesting in going? Read the Tacsop.
What are some cheap gear brands to get as a beginner?
Video link It is also pretty common for airsofters to think they need to spend a bunch of money on super expensive gear to get started. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Good gear does not equal skill (BY ITSELF), and while having good gear CAN help you play, it won't make you a special operator by itself. Most users are on a budget anyways, and investing in cheap chest rigs is a great option to stay within your budget. Note that most of these recommendations will be chest rigs, simply because of the price and functionally of them. Condor is one of the most budget friendly airsoft gear brands out there, as they will be on this list a bunch. NOTE: THE CHEAP CROSS DRAW VESTS ARE NOT INCLUDED ON THIS LIST SIMPLY BECAUSE FOR THE MOST PART, THEY SUCK. Some good budget options ($0-100) would be:
Video link It is also very common for users to approach airsoft with spending a bunch of money. Please don't do this. It is always recommended to rent before playing. After renting, don't go out and buy a shit ton of geaguns. Stay cheap, and don't go all out. Regardless of what you have seen on youtube, having the best gear does not make you the best player. How stupid would you look if you went out and bought a brand new Umbrella Armory and full Crye's if you don't like the hobby? Simply put, don't go out and buy expensive gear, like said above, stay cheap and go out to have fun.
Comparing paintball and airsoft is like comparing apples to oranges
Video link Comparing paintball to airsoft would be like comparing apples to oranges. They are two completely different hobbies that are very different. Paintball uses balls of paint that cannot go farther than normally 50-60 feet, whilst airsoft uses more realistic looking markers that can go much farther. If you are a paintballer, no problem, just don't come in here and try to compare the two :)
Changelog: 5/30/19-Fixed Formatting and added suggested eyepro section 6/1/19-small typos fixed and section about MED’s added 12/7/19- reposted for Christmas influx of new gun posts 12/7/19- added section on GBBGBB’s. 12/9/19- added section on searchbar and typos 12/27/19- added how the older guay guay are outdated 1/1/2020- post was unpinned so new thread is made. 1/1/2020- updated part about specna 1/19/2020 - orange tip section added 5/16/2020- removed specna cores from the Recommended list of guns due to bad QC 7/22/2020- reposting thread with more updated links as well as adding E and C to the recommended section 7/22/2020- added sections 13 and 14 7/22/2020- Videos added for each section 7/22/2020 - Added more options for eyepro 7/22/2020 -Fixed AMP AMP AMP issue 12/25/2020 - Added 5 new sections 12/28/2020 - Removed G1 CM"s from the recommended M4's. 12/29/2020 - Added new beginner guns to recommended section 12/30/2020 -Fixed spelling errors and guide overhaul 1/1/2020 - Guide re-published
An Updated Definitive List of the Bodega Boy's Aliases — Part 4!
Shout out to u/Misanthropia for the original post — the hive needed more updated art! This list is current as of episode 234 (2/10/21) Desus goes by numerous aliases on the Bodega Boys Podcast. These aliases are based on references to pop culture, sports, and hip-hop. The long and ever-changing list of aliases or "AKAs" are one of the many running gags on the show. During an interview with Method Man on Desus and Mero, Desus explained that the idea for aliases was based on the alter-egos of the rappers in the song "Wu-Gambinos" on the album Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... by Wu-Tang Clan member Raekwon. (info via Wikipedia) Desus & Mero no longer record from Milk Studios (moved indefinitely) and have been recording the podcast remotely from home due to the pandemic. Most of the AKA’s now mention social distancing, hot takes on covid and store closures.
Desus
Desus is extremely consistent with his aliases, almost always presenting them in the exact same order and without any exclusions: Desus Nice — In a Hot 97 interview on April 13th 2017, Desus explains that people started calling him Desus as a play on his government name, "Daniel", and "Jesus", because he worked miracles with people's computers Young Chipotle — Desus’ original alias, he explains in one podcast that it originates from when he was broke and buying Chipotle was a genuine treat Pockets stay fat like Terio (Pockets stay fat like 'here we go') — A reference to viral star Terio, a young, obese African American boy whose videos of him dancing launched him to very brief viral fame. Recently, Desus added the more politically correct and kid friendly “here we go” Eli Litby — A play on Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin Boutros Boutros Gully — A play on Boutros Boutros-Ghali, former Secretary-General of the UN, “Gully” being Jamaican Patois for an impoverished area Slobodan Might-know-ya-bitch — A play on Slobodan Milosevic, former President of Serbia and important player in the Bosnian War Young Day Party — I believe this was adopted in the summer of 2016 after Desus recounted the story of a day party in D.C., which seemed to invigorate his love for partying during the day Young Hot Take — He has hot takes, pretty obvious here Desus H. Fuego — Another moniker to describe his hot (“fuego”) takes on topics Mr. Nandos with a rando — Nandos is a portuguese chicken restaurant chain which originated in South Africa and is big in the UK and Australia. Rando is slang for random person. Having Nandos with a rando is eating chicken with a random person (credit to u/deweez) Mr. Mil Novecientos Noventa Y Cuatro en Nueva York — In later episodes Desus rarely adds the “en Nueva York” bit, but it translates to “Mr. 1994 in New York”. "The Knicks team in 1994 made the finals and is a legendary team amongst all Knicks fans who were around at the time. That team got to game 7 of the finals against the Rockets. NYC rallied around that team hard body because that team absolutely embodied NYC to a T with guys like Ewing, Charles Oakley, Mason, Starks, and Derek Harper." (credit to u/Okieant33) Mikhail Goin-off — derived from former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev (credit to u/GhettoFob) converged with an allusion to losing ones temper in an act of random violence. The Jouvert Boss — “Jouvert” is a carnival held in Caribbean/West Indian culture, involving a lot of partying MC Likkle Gungo Pea — Gungo pea is a type of peas (also known as pigeon peas) often used in Jamaican dishes. Reference to his Jamaican heritage (credit to u/hopelessromcom) "Pullin' up from 40 with your shorty" — Desus will “pull up”, or make a pass at, your girl even when the odds are slim or unlikely, much like a 40 foot shot in basketball "Don’t talk to me in the Uber Pool, I don’t know you" — Uber introduced a service where you can share rides with other Uber users for a discounted rate. Desus has expressed his reluctance to engage with strangers when he is using it The original “my plus one got a plus one so don’t make a fuss son” — When Desus shows up to an event with a girl, he brings two, and he's intimating that the host shouldn’t have a problem with that Desus Rothstein, the Jamaican Jew — Originated around when Mero began his house search in Bergen County, NJ where a number of wealthy people of Jewish descent live. Desus envisions a version of himself who would fit in there Jermaine Avocado Toast — Desus has gotten more cultured as a result of their success, and as such he has been able to indulge in things usually enjoyed by privileged white people, a stereotypical example of that being avocado toast. This is Desus’ gentrified, hipster persona Young PA — Possible reference to the sound of small amount of air being expelled from a loose butthole, which is an impression Mero occasionally does (credit to u/jimsternub). This is also a reference to Brooklyn rapper Young MA. The Ghost of Mufasa — A reference to Lion King, but beyond that I have no idea why he adopted it. Still hilarious though, and the nickname that most often makes Mero laugh Young Charcuterie without the coonery — Charcuterie is considered very hip and trendy right now, and Desus is again saying he has a taste for the finer things, but is no longer interested in “coonery”, a derogatory term used to describe stereotypical African American behavior Chile Limon, the left handed reliever for the Yankee’s (Que lo que?) — A fictional persona that seems to be a Latino version of Dock Ellis, who famously threw a no hitter while high on Acid. Chile Limon is also a popular seasoning/flavor with the Latino community 3 Phone Jones — Desus originally adopted "2 Phone Jones" after he reluctantly bought an iPhone to go with his Samsung Galaxy. He then received a Google Pixel, making it 3 Phone Jones (credit to u/ArtSorr0w) Desus Ex Machina — A play on the common plot device “deus ex machina”, or “god from the machine” in which an unsolvable problem is suddenly resolved by some unexpected intervention. Desus also used to have a tumblr entitled "Desus Ex Machina" (credit to u/hardcore9) Jay Chuckles — Revealed in episode 55 to be a reference to a now-defunct shoe store in NYC. Did Desus read this thread? Stanley Cups — Desus' former rap alias, as revealed in episode 53. The Human Dr. Bronner’s Label (Dilute! Dilute! Dilute!) — A reference to the concentrated soap Dr. Bronner’s Castile soap, which needs to be diluted. I didn’t quite understand how Desus applied this to himself, but it came from a joke in Episode 51 or 52 about Sean Spicer trying to defray controversy surrounding President Trump's decisions Dionardo DiTrappio — A play on “Leonardo DiCaprio”, the actor, but referencing “trapping”, a slang for selling drugs. Mr. 240p because I like my Pino blurry — Desus longs for the days of very low resolution pornography. 240p refers to the resolution, which is extremely low by modern standards DJ Woolite AKA You're listening to Washed FM up next we got 24 hours of — The host of the fictional station “Washed FM”, a fictional radio station that is sometimes referenced along with “WSMK, Smack City Radio”. Woolite is a brand of fabric softener. Desus said multiple times on the podcast that now that he's single and living alone, he washes his clothes with extra fabric softener. As a kid, his clothes would get washed and be hard as nails. Again, he's got a taste for the finer things in life. (credit to u/Okieant33) The Curried G.O.A.T. — A double reference to Desus’s Jamaican heritage, where Curried Goat is a popular culinary item, as well as referencing the phrase “G.O.A.T”, short for “greatest of all time” Desus Spicer — A play on the former White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, who is often referenced on Desus & Mero as “spicing up” or “adding spice” to his takes Jamal Hashburn — A play on Jamal Mashburn, a former NBA player, about Hash The Bronx Celine Dion — Refers to the fact that Celine Dion is very popular in the Jamaican community, and so Desus is like Celine, but from the Bronx. (credit to u/chefboyardu) This is especially present with foreign and immigrant culture which means he is of mogul or iconic status for the Bronx (credit to u/courtofdacrimsonking) Wray and Nephew's Nephew — A play on J. Wray and Nephew rum, which has its origins in Jamaica like Desus. Also, Desus drinks a lot, which you probably should have figured out by now. Introduced in episode 58 The Moreno you can't contain-o — A play on "moreno", a Spanish term for someone with dark skin The Human Meme, Word to Ja — A play on Ja Rule's infamous mistake of believing that the word "meme" is pronounced "may-may" Young Erewhon — A reference to a bourgeois health food store in LA, which makes this nickname in the vein of "Jermaine Avocado Toast", demonstrating Desus' taste for finer things now. (credit to u/a-1-since-day-1) The Racist Provocateur — Desus flipped an angry tweet from April 28th 2017, in which someone called him a "racist provocateur" into a new alias Henrik Bud-qvist — A play on NHL goalie Henrik Lundqvist, who currently plays for the New York Rangers Nelson Bang-dela — An old alias resurrected in episode 65, a play on South African civil right's icon Nelson Mandela Sergio Can't-see-me — A play on Sergio Tacchini, an Italian fashion designer and former Tennis player Vladimir Boofin' — A play on Russian president Vladimir Putin, "boofin" being a reference to smuggling something by sticking it inside one's rectum The Human Werther's, melting in your mouth — A reference to Werther's Originals, a brand of caramel hard candies favored by old people. Not really sure what this one means otherwise. Mr. Becks on Deckington — The first time Desus introduced this one, he accidentally said "Mr. Becky's on Deckington" which was an incredible Freudian slip since Desus has been accused of not being into black women, and "Becky" is the stereotypical white woman name in pop culture. This is a reference to Desus always drinking Beck's, a cheap beer he favors along with Heineken. Adding "-ington" to words is New York slang, as Mero explains at some point. Rikki-Tikki-Squad-bi — A play on Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, a character from the Jungle Book Greg "Paaa"-povitch — A very meta play on San Antonio Spur's head coach Greg Popovich and the onomatopoeia of spreading butt cheeks apart (according to Mero) Morris "Say it with your chest"-nut — A play on actor Morris Chestnut Mahatma Gone-B — A play on famed pacifist Mahatma Gandi Not Macka B but I got the cucumber — A reference to a viral video in which Reggae artist Macka B raps about healthy food in his "medical monday" series, Desus is unsurprisingly referencing his penis The juices are pressed but your boy never is — Being "pressed" means someone is applying pressure to you, and no one would do that to Desus. The juices he is talking about are probably the morning drink he has with lemongrass and cayenne pepper that he makes reference to many times in recent episodes of the podcast. I am the Art, dammit! — Not sure if this is a reference to anything specific or just a Kanye-esque line a crazed creative might yell out at some point The Don Dada Ganoush — I believe this is a reference to the Meditteranean dish Baba Ganoush, "Don Dada" is Jamaican Patois slang (I believe) for “top pimp” or “big player” and a sort-of homophone for "baba" No more Cup of Noodles — I don't know if this is a reference beyond the fact that Cup of Noodles is a struggle meal and Desus is no longer struggling The Prince of Peckham — A reference to Peckham, a diverse neighborhood in London The Fashion Nova Casanova — Fashion Nova is an online clothing retailer that specifically targets curvy women that Desus and Mero reference pejoratively (saying it's for bottle waitresses), Desus is saying here that he excels at seducing these kind of women ("Casanova" is a term of a man who excels at seducing women derived from the name of Italian Giacomo Casanova) "William H. 5 Cent, 10 Cent, Dolla... Forget the small change, give me the the big money wine" — A reference to Soca Boys song "Dollar Wine (one cent, five cent, ten cent, dollar)" which apparently was super popular in the West Indies. "William H Holla is something Jay-Z used to call himself back in his hey day. It comes from the fact that Bill Gates' full name is William Henry Gates. Jay-Z used to give himself nicknames back in the day. J-Hova caught on but he used the term William H Holla because Jay-Z also coined the phrase "Holla At Me" and "Holla Back" and just shortened it to "Holla". So put the two together and you have William H Holla. He first said it on the song "Stick to the Script" off the Dynasty album. So Desus took it and made it his own." (credit to u/Okieant33) The only anthem I salute is Dipset — A reference to the ongoing national anthem protests in the NFL, Desus is saying the only anthem he salutes is "Dipset Anthem" by Harlem rap legends The Diplomats Mister Sauga, Catch me at Square One Top Left. Mans is marved. (Dont cheese me bro) — Finally a Canadian-centric reference, which makes sense given that the Bodega Boys have performed there multiple times. This is a reference to the Square One Shopping Center in Mississauga, Canada (where Desus alleges his mysterious wife and kids live), and "top left" is Greater Toronto Area slang for "truthful" or "seriously". "Mans is marved", means "I'm hungry" in Toronto slang (credit to u/Fortehlulz33) Trill Rizzuto, holy cow! — A reference to former Yankees player Phil Rizzuto who would later go on to be a commentator, where his trademark expression was "holy cow!" Mister Soft Palms because all I do is count checks and jerk off — I don't know if this is a reference to anything except Desus bragging about his lifestyle "We got OJ, uh purple stuff, soda, and it's me! Sunny D!" — A reference to an old Sunny D commercial (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQE3jWYuGiw), and a play on the fact that people likely used to called Desus by the nickname "D", so "it's me! Sunny D" would be like saying "it's me, Desus!". Also kind of ironic since Desus is not a particularly sunny person (cue Dark Desus). David Yerp-man — A play on David Yurman, an expensive jewelry company, and NYC slang exclamation "yerp" Desus-expensive, Desus-Red Bottoms, Desus-bloody shoes — A play on a lyric from fellow Bronx native Cardi B taken from her song "Bodak Yellow" Smo-a-kim Noah — A play on NBA player Joaquim Noah who played for the Knicks Andrew Coooooool-nanan — A reference to serial killer (most notable for killing Gianni Versace) Andrew Cunanan The Junior Energy God, come sit down 'pon me charger — Originally just the "Energy God" until Desus realized that that was fellow Jamaican Elephant Man's aliases. I thiiiink this is referring to the phrase "bring the same energy", the idea that if one is saying something behind someone's back, when confronted by the individual they should stick to their original statements. This alias started after the infamous Desus & Mero visit to the Breakfast Club, in which DJ Envy accosted the boys about a joke they made about his wife. Desus & Mero didn't punk out and therefore "brought the same energy". Someone tell me if I'm reaching here. Call me PetCo cause I got your bitch-on-freeze — A play on words for the dog breed Bichon Frise The Topic of Gossip in Syosset (Shout out to 11791 ah ah ah) — Syosset (zip code 11791) is a town in Long Island, NY. it's real bougie and suburban so Desus is saying basically he's got reach and is known not just in the hood but in the wealthy burbs too (credit to u/terminal-chillness) Grandpa Joe, When you see Charlie you see me don't touch that golden ticket — A direct reference to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Grandpa Joe) and Desus's cats name (Charlie) Dead Eye Desus (Mornin’ Sherrif) — Dead Eye Desus refers to the 2018 video game Red Dead Redemption 2. The game features a gameplay mechanic called "Dead Eye" that allows the player to slow time to achieve easy head shots and kills. The game is also set in the late 1800's, early 1900's in the old West, which is why Desus typically references a Sheriff after saying Dead Eye Desus. (credit to u/biggak) Mr. Shopping at StreetEasy with a bad breezy like I'm Yeezy, please believe me — Another one of Desus' tongue twisters, this one is in reference to shopping at StreetEasy, a NYC real estate website with an attractive woman like Kanye West might do The Black Asiatic who will crack your back like an automatic craftmatic — Added in episode 54 after Desus' continuing gag about "big Black Asiatic men" (often referencing their penises). Here Desus is implying that sex with him (a Black Asiatic man) is very vigorous by saying he will change your posture like a Craftmatic mattress, which is a brand of mattress whose shape and orientation can be controlled electronically Mr. La Marina in a mesh Merina with a fresh misdemeanor and a cold demeanor — This one is a doozy, but was adopted after Desus mentioned his frequent trips to La Marina (a bar on the water in Manhattan) in episodes released in the summer of 2016. A mesh Merina is a a mesh tank top (I think). The other two parts are self explanatory. Not sure how he always gets this one right without mixing up the words. The Sheet-Mask Killer (No one could be iller) — A reference to Sheet Masks, a skin care routine some might find to be bougie. "No one could be iller" is a reference to how ODB introduces Ghostface Killah on "Da Mystery of Chessboxin" by Wu Tang Clan (credit to u/atorMMM) The Black Zack Morris of Port Morris — A take on Zack Morris for his problematic schemes on Saved by the Bell. (credit to u/justic3bon3r) Port Morris is a neighborhood in the Bronx (credit to u/m9rockstar) home of The Bronx Brewery and Bodega Boys Beer Young KPI — More than likely a reference to the various random office jobs Desus had (KPI = key performance indicator) (credit to u/atorMMM) Your Personal Desus — Desus sometimes will recite lyrics by Depeche Mode “Personal Jesus” (1989) More than likely this is a play off his main alias (credit to u/justic3bon3r) The Pelé of Peleton — Pelé (Edson Arantes do Nascimento) was a former Brazilian soccer player and considered one of the greats. Desus is an avid Peleton user so much he deems himself the greatest of all time Your problematic bae — Desus occasionally says problematic things, but you still love him, hence him being your “bae”. He always ends with this one, followed by an exaggerated kissing sound. *After Desus's last aka he gives some sort of problematic advice sometimes followed by explosions*
Mero
Mero (u/THE_KID_MERO) is far less consistent with his aliases. Depending upon how smacked he is, he will often exclude or repeat some of his aliases. He also adds them far less frequently than Desus. The Kid Mero — In a Hot 97 interview on April 13th 2017, Mero explained that this alias comes from the fact that his father and uncle wanted to name him "Ramiro", but his mother vetoed it and named him "Joel". His father and uncle continued to call him "Ramiro", which was shortened to "Miro" as a nickname. When Mero started tagging, he changed Miro to Mero because he found E to be a nicer letter to write (credit to u/atorMMM) as well as he just didn't like how the "i" looked. Also tagging the name "Ramiro" that long would get you arrested The Human Durag Flap — Mero’s original nickname, and a reference to how hood he is and his uncircumcised status, something that gets referenced very often (credit u/ZeddyG2 and u/chandlersokay) Curve Gotti — A play on “Irv Gotti”, former boss of Murder, Inc. records Donovan Mcdabb — A play on former NFL player Donovan Mcnabb, in reference to dabbing, which could have two meanings (smoking THC oil or the dance move created by the Migos) Trizz Khalifa — A play on “Wiz Khalifa”, but substituting the first part of the name with the slang “Trizz”. Usually said in a fake patois, imitating Popcaan's cry of "Fuck Wiz Khalifa!" at a Mixpak event SKKRRRT Loder — A play on “Kurt Loder” former host on MTV News and editor at Rolling Stone James St. Fatdick, I'll Ghost on you shorty — Originated right around the premiere of season 4 of Starz hit show "Power", here referencing the main character James St. Patrick, whose street alias is "Ghost" Tiger Backwoods — A reference to pro golfer Tiger Woods and Mero’s love for smoking backwoods “I no fucking baby, I fucking man!” — A reference to the viral video that sent friend of the brand Pioladitingancia to fame “Check the guest list again because my name is definitely on it, and no I’m not stepping to the side while you check! ” — Not so much a nickname but something Mero might have said back in the day when he was broke and had to lie about being on guest lists to get into clubs CC Dab-bathia — A play on Yankees Starting Pitchers name, CC Sabathia (and close friend of the brand) Goldman Shm-achs — A variation of the phrase made popular by Bobby Shmurda and a reference to Goldman Sachs. Mensch Montana — An alias borrowed from French Montana (who is from South Bronx) and popular artist with the Bodega Boys. They have mentioned his classic Mac and Cheese mixtapes numerous times on the podcast. Also this is a nod to his Jewish family connection; Mensch is Yiddish for "good guy." (credit to u/chefboyardu) TheDa-da-da Dad of the year — A play on a lyric from ScHoolboy Qs song "Man of The Year" (credit u/ZeddyG2). Mero already has three Mero Jr’s and the bodega princess, and as far as we can tell is an awesome dad, thus earning such a title. Confirmed to be a ScHoolboy Q reference in episode 56 Been-Smacked Biyombo — A play on “Bismack Biyombo”, a professional basketball player on the Charlotte Hornets Di-Yayo Maradona — Reference to Argentinean soccer legend Diego Maradona and slang for coke (credit to u/terminal-chillness) Dick-in-ya-bae Mutombo — A play on Dikembe Mutombo, former NBA player. Mero now respects the woman’s agency and asks for permission first before entering Barlos Santana — A play on famed guitarist Carlos Santana and Xanax bars The Dominican Don Dada — Jamaican Patois slang (I believe) for “top pimp” or “big player”, and as we know Mero is of Dominican descent, hence “Dominican Don Dada”. The phrase "Jamaican Don Dada" is used by the character Lennox in the movie "Belly", which is a classic in hip hop culture (credit to u/a-1-since-day-1) He follows this up with "catch me at Locksmith throwing up on myself". Locksmith is a bar on 192nd & Broadway in Inwood, which is a REALLY Dominican NYC neighborhood (credit to u/terminal-chillness) Some variation of "swipe my card again, put the bag over it, there's definitely money on it!" — A reference to a familiar experience for anyone who has been broke, in which you lie and act like it's the store's fault when your card gets declined Romeo Xantos — A reference to famed Bachata artist and Xanax, Bachata being a dance and music style originating in the Dominican Republic. Also the added "Sooo xanny, lemme black out" is a play on Romeo's adlib "sooo nasty, lemme find out" (credit to u/terminal-chillness) Light-an-L Dutchie "Hello? Is it weed you're looking for?" — Another weed double entendre referencing Lionel Richie and his famous song "Hello" Papa Sushi, The Dyckman Don — A reference to often-referenced MamaSushi, a fusion sushi restaurant on Dyckman Street in Manhattan Tom Brazy, your girl got my balls deflated — A boastful play on the Deflategate controversy surrounding Tom Brady and the New England Patriots after the 2014-2015 AFL Championship game Feel-da-ass Tyson (CONSENSUALLY WITH YOUR PERMISSION) — A play on “Neil DeGrasse Tyson”, a well known physicist Lil’ Snoozie Vert— A play on the name Lil Uzi Vert. This is also in reference for when Mero actually ‘tapped out’ on Instagram Live Fry-an-L Messi — A play on Lionel Messi, a famous Argentinian soccer player of Italian descent, and smoking an "L", slang for blunt Joe Hookah "I dare you! To smoke with me! At MamaSushi!" — A reference to rapper Black Rob's song "I Dare You" that features Joe Hooker on the hook. MamaSushi is a high-end restaurant chain located in New York Ben Barson my hands are gifted — During the 2016 election cycle, famed neurosurgeon Ben Carson engaged in a brief campaign for the Republican nomination. Mero took to doing impressions of him, exaggerating Carson’s urban upbringing by saying he was “Ben Barson”, in which the “C” was replaced with a “B”, as a Blood gang member would. Unlike Desus, who almost never fumbles his nicknames, Mero has maybe said this one correctly one time Xaniel Bedingfield — A play on Daniel Bedingfield followed by Mero playing "I Gotta Get Through This" a popular song by the artist Daniel Bedingfield with lyrics that are about Xanax (credit to u/KTTeal) Some variation of “I’ll open your medicine cabinet and take all of your Benzos” — This is self-referential in two ways: 1. The earlier reference here is to when Mero admitted to Desus that he will unashamedly go through people’s medicine cabinets in order to snoop on their lives and 2. After the boat party story in which Mero got drunk and took some Xanax’s, he added “I’ll take all of your benzos” bit to express how much he enjoys the feeling Benzodiazepines create The Xandman — This is a play on the musical artist “Scatman John” who was most known for his song “Scatman’s World”, the chorus of which Mero imitates with this name and the accompanying vocalization Rico Sabroso — Spanish for “Rich Tasty”, but I’m not sure what the reference here is beyond that Baby Newport — I assume a reference to Newport brand cigarettes, stereotypically popular in urban areas Niño Brown — A reference to the main character of the film “New Jack City”, in which Wesley Snipes plays a crack dealer named Nino Brown, but pronounced like the Spanish word for "kid", giving it some Latino flavor (credit to u/Okieant33) The East Tremont Stevie B — East Tremont is a predominately Hispanic area of the Bronx, while Stevie B was a recording artist from the 80’s with some incredible Jheri Curls. Sometimes sings "I want to be the one your Titi is fucking" after I met Mike Francesca im never gon’ fail — A direct reference from when the Bodega Boys actually met Mike on the last episode on Desus & Mero on Viceland. In translation, this means after finally meeting with the iconic Sports Pope this makes him unstoppable. This is also a reference to Kanye West's song 'Ultralight Beam' where Chance the Rapper says "I met Kanye West, I'm never gonna fail" (credit to u/RemyDWD) The Plantain Supernova in the Sky — A reference to the Oasis hit “Champagne Supernova”, but changed to reflect Mero’s Dominican heritage, which often uses plantains in its cuisine. Occasionally he will sing an extended version, which goes “One day you will find me, smoking weed on Tremont/in the Plantain Supernova in the sky”. How does he hit these melodies so perfectly every time? Tom Petty and the Ball Breakers — A play on the rock band name ‘Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’. Mero sings the chorus from Tom Petty’s solo project “Free Fallin’” as “Free Ballin’” suggesting that he feels free doing his Zoom calls without pants Barmelo Xanthony — An incredible play on the Bodega Boy’s favorite NBA player, Carmelo Xanthony, and Mero’s beloved Xanax’s. (credit to u/terminal-chillness) Most recently, Mero has changed his references to him making sound financial decisions and balancing his portfolio since the interview with Carmelo himself on Desus & Mero on Showtime Some variation of “If you see me in Target approach me like a bear” — Originates from Mero’s love of getting really high and hanging out in Target. Being high sometimes makes him paranoid, so he doesn’t like people just running up on him. Desus suggested people “approach him diagonally, like you would a bear”. Mero interchanges “bear”, “Ursine Mammal”, and “Oso” (Spanish for “bear”) at random Benzo the Clown — A problematic clown for kids that ruins birthday parties and not refunding your $50 deposit. Originated on Episode 96, Desus starts talking about rolling up to Mero Jr’s bar mitzvah smacked. (credit to u/outtaspite) Benzo’s antics are normally cut short by Mr. Fun Fun (voiced by Desus) normally ending with the problematic light I sold fake Lean to your favorite SoundCloud rapper — Not sure this is a specific reference other than the fact that Lean is pretty much a guaranteed accessory for any SoundCloud rapper and Actavis discontinued their codeine/promethazine cough syrup in 2014 due to abuse, so a lot of people are drinking fake Lean. "Llego el hijo de Tito y Fifa papi"/"The son of Tito and Fifa has arrived, papi — In later episodes, Mero began to include some Spanish phrases at the end of his list of aliases, usually beginning with this phrase and building off of it. When Mero does this he also says "Hassan tira me lo pita" which is slang for "Hassan drop me a beat". Mero is making pretend that he's a DJ on NY's Spanish Radio Station 97.9 La Mega. Mero from here goes on to talk all kinds of shit about how hard and gangster he is. (credit to u/bobbuddha and u/Okieant33) Please correct me if you have ideas or see mistakes! Discontinued aliases: Desus
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/r/QOTSA Official Band of the Week 38: THE BLACK KEYS
Of all the casualties of the year from hell 2020, one sticks out for me the most. Pearl Jam. I had motherfucking PEARL JAM tickets. I was going to see them on the Gigaton tour, and they cancelled back in March. You have to remember that this was before sports and gatherings were cancelled, well before any widespread loss of life. Back then, I didn’t know anyone sick from COVID-19, let alone anyone who had died from it. Hell, these were the good old days when nobody wore masks outside, and you couldn’t tell the flat-earth anti-vaxxer loser crowd from anyone else until they opened their mouths. I gotta say, that concert cancellation felt like I’d been emotionally kicked to the curb. I had such high expectations and I was psyched. When it was cancelled, it was the first thing that really made COVID-19 feel real to me. Of course, all the other shit that has happened since, and the unbelievable loss of life due to the disease makes this moment completely pale in comparison to our current reality. But in March 2020, this was my personal turning point. Live music continues to be a casualty of the pandemic. At least my Pearl Jam tickets are electronic and the concert has just been postponed. I am hanging on to them in the hopes of seeing Eddie Vedder and the boys when the apocalypse is over. So I can’t say that I was super surprised when my tickets to see The Black Keys that same month were also cancelled and my money was refunded. That one was like getting a kick to the gut when you are already down, but it wasn’t unexpected either. The shitty thing is while I still have the Pearl Jam tickets, The Black Keys ones just plain evaporated when the money was refunded. Did I mention I miss live music? It doesn’t look like we are going to get to see concerts any time soon (or at least not until the vaccines are out there in far higher numbers than today). In the meantime, I am going to take us to enjoy the memory of my month of March 2020 that never was. That’s right, we are continuing our exploration of the Letter B. This week, we are going to check out THE BLACK KEYS. About Them What do you think of when I mention Akron, Ohio? If you are anything like me, you said tires. Akron was the home of the American Rubber Industry at the start of the 20th Century, to the point where the city called itself ‘the rubber capital of the world’. Four major tire manufacturers were located there: Goodyear , Firestone, Goodrich and General Tire. In fact, much of the housing in the city was built in part by the rubber industry to support the workers. So circular black round things are nothing new to Akron. But flat ones made of vinyl there are somewhat more rare. I know I was surprised to find out that Akron was also the home of Chrissy Hynde of The Pretenders, the 80’s new wave/punk band Devo, and this week’s rockin’ duo, The Black Keys. Also, some guy named LeBron James is from there, but since he left Cleveland it is a sin to even mention his name. Patrick Carney was born in Akron in 1980. His dad worked for the local newspaper as a reporter, and his mom worked for the city. His parents divorced when he was 6. His dad listened to all kinds of music and introduced him to many different genres. He lived part time with his mom and part time with his dad. Turns out, his dad’s house was right around the block from where Dan Auerbach lived. Auerbach is a year older than Carney. His mom was a French teacher and his father smelt of elderberries was an antique dealer. It was his dad’s collection of old Blues records that infected young Dan with a love for music. He grew up with Bluegrass and Blues in a time when other kids were listening to Nirvana and Soundgarden. As it turned out, there was a pretty strong musical background hidden in the neighborhood where both boys grew up. Auerbach, the cousin of one late great Robert Quine, was fated to meet Carney, the nephew of saxophonist Ralph Carney, who worked with the also late-great Tom Waits. Or, going by genres… a combination of experimental rock and Blues/Jazz. Yep, sounds about right. Their friendship first developed in highschool. Despite being in very, very different circles (cheer captain and bleachers soccer captain and social outcast) the boys found a shared interest in music. They began jamming in 1996, with Auerbach learning guitar and Carney playing drums (and recording with his shiny new 4-track tape recorder. ) Not much came from this until Auerbach, a fresh dropout of U of Akron, began touring. He tried to make a living doing small bar performances, but quickly found most venues would demand a demo tape. Auerbach reached out to the only person he knew who had recording equipment - Carney. Carney agreed, allowing his basement to be used as a studio while Auerbach found his bandmates. Who, fatefully for us, never showed up. The duo ended up jamming out in the basement. Their chemistry led to them producing a 6-track demo consisting of “old Blues rip-offs and words made up on the spot”. They sent this rag-tag demo off to 12 labels. Only one label replied: a small-time one out of Los Angeles called Alive. The year was 2002. The duo needed a name. Their moniker came from schizophrenia - I kid you not. And neither do I. (We also don’t.) A mutual acquaintance, Alfred McMoore, would leave incoherent messages referring to the boy's fathers as “Black Keys” - you know, those piano keys like D-Flat or C-Sharp or B-SharpSharp. In March of 2002, the duo played their first live performance at Cleveland's Beachland Ballroom and Tavern, to an astonishing eight people. The duo needed a “big” release to make it “big”. So, they had to “come up” with something “big”. The Big Come Up (2002) is Indie as fuck. Much like their first demo, it was recorded entirely in Carney’s basement on an 8-track tape recorder. (If you are following along: Upgrades, people. Upgrades! !) It’s a mix of Blues covers and original tracks, and despite it’s roughness, it’s a beautiful example of the duo’s sheer talent. Honestly, the loose, rough-around-the-edges nature of this thing suits the music exceptionally well. Tracks like I’ll Be Your Man, Busted, and Heavy Soul are lo-fi, Bluesy blasts of distorted guitar, sultry vocals, and thinly mixed thumpin’ drums. What can I say - there’s an undeniable charm in simplicity. And this big come up was not going unnoticed. The boys achieved some decent sales, and garnered a bit of a cult following. Critics started to notice them, and soon, they managed to land themselves a whole new deal. That’s right, they were moving up in the world. The Black Keys started mowing lawns full time. Truly, the dream job. Look man, I said the sales were decent, not amazing. The duo still needed cash for the road, so they did what they could to make ends meet. Mowing lawns really paid off when they earned themselves a new record deal, this time with Mississippi’s Fat Possum Records. Evidently, they completed their second album within mere days of signing. Possums are inspirational, what can I say. 2003’s Thickfreakness is every bit as Indie as their first album. It was recorded in the same style as its predecessors - i.e., Carney's basement on ye olde 8-track tape recorder. This time, however, all the recording was done in a single 14 hour session. Apparently, this strategy was necessary since the band had spent all of their advanced pay on rent. In other words, it’s basically a live album. It’s raw, it’s rough, and it’s rockin’ - and yet somehow, it’s as smooth as the petroleum jelly on its cover. Oh yeah. Thick AND freaky. Actually, quick side note on the cover art of this album: the band had almost zero idea what they wanted to do for it at first. They drove around Akron searching for ideas, and only got one when they stumbled into a Super K-Mart. There, they found a can of Pomade hair styling cream, and were struck by inspiration. They rushed it home and took the image we all know and love by lighting it up with every lamp in their house. Patrick Carney’s hand is seen in the image. Now you know! Any way, if you liked their first album, you’d love Thickfreakness just as much. Tracks like Hard Row, Set You Free, and the titular Thickfreakness are explosions of catchy riffs and Bluesy euphoria. Critics hailed it once again, and soon, The Black Keys were garnering even more attention than before. Many compared them to the White Stripes, and not always in a positive light. There was a certain level of derision in the comparison, since both bands were duos from the midwest that played Garagey Blues Rock and had a color in their name. Hmm. Okay, when you put it like that they sound pretty fucking similar. But I mean, it isn’t completely unfathomable that it happened twice…now, if I were to go start a band called “The Grey, Door-Unlocking, Straight Lines”, THAT might be a bit copyright infringe-y. This also gave rise to their first big time advertising offer. They could have gotten £200,000 for letting a company use one of their songs in an English Mayonnaise Ad. Mayonnaise: the international benchmark for when you are hitting the big time. However, they turned down the offer in order to not be perceived as “Sell outs”. This may be foreshadowing, unless I forget to follow up on this. I guess we’ll find out later. The band faced a challenge in their third album. Their previous record studio, a basement, was no longer available to them after the landlord sold it. They found the answer in Akron’s industrial history: a makeshift studio in a former tire factory. Released in September of 2004, Rubber Factory received critical acclaim. It was the first of their albums to chart on the US billboard 200 (at a respectable 143). Stand-out songs include the two singles, 10 A.M. Automatic and Till I get my way/Girl is on my Mind, the latter of which being a double A-side. The duo rolled across the globe on a world tour, spawning a live album fittingly called Live in 2005. The boys were doing pretty damn well. Enjoying the success of their previous album, they went on to finish up their deal with Fat Possum. The 6 track album Chulahoma: The Songs of Junior Kimbrough acts as a tribute to Bluesman Junior Kimbrough, who had previously signed on with the Chunky Marsupial label. Recorded in an Akron Basement, it’s a classy tribute to a good musician. But the most important part of Chulahoma was that it set the boys free from the… pouch, I guess? Marsupials are weird. The point is, the boys could now sign on with a different label. And after Rubber Factory, they certainly had options. The Fat Possum contract satisfied, the band signed with Nonesuch Records in 2006. Later that year, the band released a second live album, Live in Austin, which was recorded in 2003. The band also landed a few major advertising gigs, including Sony, Nissan, and Victoria’s Secret. You’d think with all this new popularity, the band would go for a real, serious studio for their fourth album. Magic Potion (2006) was recorded in Carney’s Basement. I guess some habits are hard to shake. Auerbach was quoted as saying, “We like the sound of odd rooms. It's got concrete floors and walls. The upstairs floor is the ceiling. The mixing desk and computer are on top of the tool desk built by the old guy who used to live there.” The band took the finished tapes, and had them remastered for $350. When they were returned, the duo discovered that their master tapes had zero bass. In a move that Carney still regrets, the band went “Oh, Ok” and mailed them off to the record label anyway. The album was their first to contain all-original songs, and included three singles: Just Got to Be, a pretty started Bluesy-Rock song. Your Touch which could also be a Victoria's Secret deal is a pretty straightforward Rock song. You’re The One is a bit more reserved, but not a ballad by any stretch of the mind. It’s 42 minutes of their standard, Bluesy Rock and it’s worth a listen. It also spawned the band’s largest tour thus far, filling theaters and 1,000-seat venues. In 2007, producer Danger Mouse began working on a record for one Ike Turner. Turner was an early Rock and Roll legend, and when Danger Mouse asked if The Black Keys would like to record a few songs for the project, they jumped at the chance. Unfortunately, the deal did not go through. Later, in 2007, Turner passed away. The band was left with a scattering of material that they decided to use to build a new album. Attack & Release, their fifth studio album, was born of this and produced by Danger Mouse. The band noticeably moved away from their “homemade” ethos by recording in a professional studio. They also hired an outside producer. Danger Mouse helped the band out with buttery-smooth production values and instrumental flourishes. The net result was an album that debuted at #14 on the Billboard 200. This thing is a real Beaut’. It brings a whole new sheen to the Black Keys’ signature brand of garage minimalism. The band stepped out of their established comfort zone, and came through better than ever. I’m talking backing vocals, guest guitarists, flute players. Dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria. Hell, why not throw in a jaw harp and a bass clarinet? We’re getting creative here. Front to back, this album is thoroughly enjoyable and remarkably clean, especially if you’re used to their more rugged early work. Check out the banjo-inspired riffage of Psychotic Girl, and you’ll understand. Fun fact: that song is certifiably catchier than syphilis. I Got Mine and Strange Times are fast, thumping, and should probably come with a speeding warning. Yet the Keys showed a softer side here too - Remember When is a beautiful two part slow burn, and the album’s final track Things Ain't Like They Used To Be is a silky, freshly-mowed Bluegrass duet. The production quality on Attack & Release became a staple of all of their future albums. Have you ever wondered about those crazy stupid instructions you sometimes see on everyday items? Like, Q-Tip instructions where they say not to put them in your ears? (Which is exactly what I do, because they scratch that itch so good.) Well, if you look at the cover of the 2010 album Brothers, you totally get the same vibe. It was a success, with two songs off of it - Tighten Up and Howlin’ For You - generating tons of buzz for the band. Both had significant airplay. If I am completely honest here, Howlin’ For You was my introduction to the duo. I remember hearing it on the radio one day and thinking how different the sound was, and how fresh it sounded compared to the hillbilly-hey-ho kinda stuff that was then all over the airwaves. In reality, the success of this album probably saved the band. Auerbach had been dabbling in solo projects and had let everyone know - except Carney. Carney had been going through a particularly shitty time, as his wife had cheated on him, stolen money, and lied to him repeatedly. He had just gone through a bad divorce (is there such a thing as a good divorce?) and his last important relationship was with his bandmate - who now wanted to do music without him. Fuck. Fortunately, the duo got their proverbial shit together and decided to keep making music. The title of the album reflects this re-commitment to the band. Brothers is darker, because Carney was in a dark place when it was made. The vibe of the record resonated with many. It won Grammy awards and gave the band some significant airplay and critical momentum. The boys went from being Indie darlings to mainstream music icons with this release. It has just been re-mastered and re-released for its 10th anniversary. The slow burn of success finally peaked for the band with El Camino in 2011. Seriously, you have already heard songs from this record, as they had massive airplay. If you somehow have lived under a Rock, this is a great place to start for the band. If Brothers was their Rated R, then El Camino is their Songs for the Deaf. Tracks like Lonely Boy and Gold on the Ceiling and Little Black Submarines were everywhere. The album received absolutely universal acclaim, and anyone who doesn’t like it is a flat-earth QAnon supporter. Well, probably. Perhaps one of the best things about the album is that instead of the classic title vehicle, the cover has a Plymouth Voyager. A van. With woodwalls, ffs. Anyone that knows any history of the band knows that the van there was a picture of the first vehicle that they toured in, making it the ultimate kind of in-joke. Carney, never one to be shy, compared the appearance of his home town to the cover of the album, saying that Akron was, “A busted up parking lot with a busted up car.” But at least we know that van had good tires. It was from Akron, after all. El Camino propelled The Black Keys from an opener to a headliner. They were soon selling out venues all over the world. To new listeners in 2011, they seemingly came out of nowhere. But to the eight early fans that had seen them (perhaps when they toured in that fugly van) this was the culmination of years of steady effort. Now they had to prove to the world that this record was not a fluke. Turn Blue, their eighth effort, came out in May of 2014. El Camino had been such a massive hit that the boys felt the heavy weight of expectations. They did not disappoint. Clearly inspired by Auerbach’s love of the Blues, this effort made numerous global top ten lists. Critics LOVED it. Tunes like Fever and Bullet in the Brain made you think you were listening to an album from the 60’s that was also somehow brand new. Their unique brand of Bluesy Garage Rock mixed with Psychedelia was unlike anything else out there. The cover art was supposed to be reminiscent of hippie mind control, and helped portray them as modern throwbacks. The boys had truly found fame. They were now headlining world tours, selling out stadiums, and finding their way into mainstream culture. They performed for the third time on SNL. Carney was having twitter fights with Justin Bieber fans (I mean, not the worst thing you could do) and, somewhat to his surprise, this kinda shit now made the entertainment news. Even the album was announced in a tweet by retired Heavyweight ear muncher boxing champion Mike Tyson. The Black Keys had a massive global tour in support of the record. They were on top of the world. And they were very soon burnt out. The constant grind of touring got to them. They got into music to make music, and felt that they were just too drained to do so. So they took a break. A long one. After a five-year hiatus where fans feared that they may never return, The Black Keys finally dropped Let’s Rock in June of 2019. The lead single from this album, Lo/Hi, was a gritty guitar-themed track that showed that this duo still had all the right moves, despite the long time between recording projects. The album itself is a scorcher. All of the songs were written by Auerbach and Carney in the studio, with neither of them bringing in anything pre-worked. They’d mess around with a lick or a theme for about an hour and if something in it clicked, they’d continue. If nothing did, they’d ditch it and move on. This approach may sound similar to many QotSA fans, as it mimics pretty closely what Josh does with his parade of artists out at Rancho de la Luna when coming up with material for The Desert Sessions. The title of the album was inspired by the execution of convicted murderer Edmund Zagorski. As he was strapped to the electric chair and asked if he had any last words, Zagorski said, “Let’s Rock”. So now you know how the album got its title, and also why it has an electric chair on the cover. I have no fucking idea why it is a pink electric chair, but the cartoon lover in me wants to think that it is because of the clearly pink zaps of electricity that the chair delivers. Pink zaps or no, the band had a hit record. It was an international stand out, and remains one of their best recordings. And I, like some of you, was going to see this goddam tour before COVID. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I miss live music, and I for-fucking-sure am going to catch them the next time they tour. I encourage you to do so too. Links to QOTSA The Black Keys have shared a stage with QotSA a number of times at concerts and festivals. These guys are true contemporaries in the music world. However, things have not always been super-duper between them. Patrick Carney has lit into Josh Homme and Lady Gaga in the same sentence. Commenting on Gaga’s song ‘Perfect Illusion’ (that our boy Josh plays guitar on) Carney has been quoted as saying: “I’m lost because the guitar at the top of it sounds so shitty...It’s like ‘Eye Of The Tiger’, but not even nearly as good as that. It sounds like Hulk Hogan is playing the fucking guitar.” Gaga was not shy about replying, saying about Carney that, “...he’s not as snarky as I would be, watching him in a guitar death-match w Kevin Parker and Josh Fucking Homme”. Here’s the video for Gaga’s Perfect Illusion - judge for yourself. All I have to say is that I may have been high when writing this, but I’ve never been quite as high as her shorts are in this video. Somehow this song that involves intense crotch chafing in the desert has over 150 million views. It is also notable that Mark Ronson and Josh Homme worked on this song together, and that Ronson went on to produce the latest QotSA album Villains. Their Music Next Girl - Godzilla looks way fucking bigger in the movies. But man can he sing. Tighten Up - The most unbelievable thing about this video is that two grown men would be at a children’s playground without Karen calling the cops. Howlin’ For You - Alexa Wolf: A Sexy Assassin With A Troubled Past. Also, I am pretty fucking sure she is a Cylon. Someone better tell Las Teclas de Negro. Lonely Boy - Say what you will, but buddy here has some moves. Gold On The Ceiling - You know the van at 0:08 is an Easter Egg. Blink and you miss it. Dead and Gone - Just in case you missed it. Fever - Auerbach looks more strung out here than a busted guitar. The cuts from actual TV Evangelist audience members make this video a bit creepier than it needs to be. Turn Blue - Watch out for Hypnotoad. Oh SHI~ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD Just Got to Be - The boys appear to have snuck into a rural elementary school gym to record this video. The song still kicks all kinds of ass. Lo/Hi - I gotta say, the pink lightning bolt is a nice touch. Strange Times - Lazer Tag: the game that is never quite as fun as you think it will be. Your Touch - This video starts with the boys getting shot. Fuck, the mean streets of Akron are WAY tougher than I ever gave them credit for. Show Them Some Love /TheBlackKeys - just short of 7,500 members. Maybe if they had made that Mayo ad, more people would be in this subreddit. See, I told you to pay attention! That was totally worth it. Previous Posts Band of the Week #1-25 The Jimi Hendrix Experience Black Flag Alain Johannes Pixies Truckfighters Melvins Muse Stone Temple Pilots Black Sabbath Baroness Black Rebel Motorcycle Club The Black Angels
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